This is me, revisiting my blog of 9 years, looking back at the hey day of posts that I blogged from 2006-2008. The younger me, more emotional, more hyperactive and searching for the identity that seals me. Looking back, its a long way I have come. A long, long way. I've seen the world much, traveled much and stayed at a place shun by many. I took the step of faith and plunged myself into a world unfamiliar, and I am happy with that decision in my life. My emotions are more stable, people don't frighten me as much as last time, and I'm more open with my feelings. Even the journeys ahead doesn't seem to frighten me as much as before.
My relationship with God has no longer been based on my emotions, but based on trust and knowing Him. I surely can still do better in my devotions with Him, which has been lacking of some time. My brain is not as active as usual and my thoughts have become a tad duller. Thats why I reckoned coming back to blogging, to put out my thoughts into physical words can churn some deep thinking and reflections in my life.
Personal problems/ family problems still do exist in my life, but I have matured in my ways of handling the situations. No longer I base so much expectations and emphasis of what my parents think or react towards me; in some ways there are still some expectations, but I have ceased to relate my own self worth with their actions and words to me. If one can speak of a kind of detachment in the world, it is to be to know who I am in God, my self worth and potentials as a person, than to expect anyone else to define who I am. I am still trying to learn and apply this into my life, but its a practice I gained over staying away for some time, and learning to be financially independent as well.
As of late, I'm in need again of some consolidation of my thoughts, of my mother and sister chewing my brains away from the recent Taiwan trip. I'm not interested to recall the details, but I just wished sometimes more empathy and understanding can be shown by my mother. To be faulted, maligned over tiny details of buying/ not buying things, managing finances and not even asking whether I was coping well, as really a little too unsympathetic. But as my sister had ate my brains first before the trip, I'm too tired even to feel angry. I just feel... numb. I think there are better things to worry about than this, like my future PhD journey ahead, which is really a little daunting for me.
My relationship with God has no longer been based on my emotions, but based on trust and knowing Him. I surely can still do better in my devotions with Him, which has been lacking of some time. My brain is not as active as usual and my thoughts have become a tad duller. Thats why I reckoned coming back to blogging, to put out my thoughts into physical words can churn some deep thinking and reflections in my life.
Personal problems/ family problems still do exist in my life, but I have matured in my ways of handling the situations. No longer I base so much expectations and emphasis of what my parents think or react towards me; in some ways there are still some expectations, but I have ceased to relate my own self worth with their actions and words to me. If one can speak of a kind of detachment in the world, it is to be to know who I am in God, my self worth and potentials as a person, than to expect anyone else to define who I am. I am still trying to learn and apply this into my life, but its a practice I gained over staying away for some time, and learning to be financially independent as well.
As of late, I'm in need again of some consolidation of my thoughts, of my mother and sister chewing my brains away from the recent Taiwan trip. I'm not interested to recall the details, but I just wished sometimes more empathy and understanding can be shown by my mother. To be faulted, maligned over tiny details of buying/ not buying things, managing finances and not even asking whether I was coping well, as really a little too unsympathetic. But as my sister had ate my brains first before the trip, I'm too tired even to feel angry. I just feel... numb. I think there are better things to worry about than this, like my future PhD journey ahead, which is really a little daunting for me.
