Hello, you old and salty bitch.

Hi, dear beloved blog. Im so glad you are still around. Even the 2000 trends have gone and... come back again. And you, are still here! The constant in my life! Guess what.... I havent changed!! I am still the lost, lonely soul that yearns to be loved and expressed! Except that in adulthood, sometimes, things take a darker turn. It never really got better, but things have gotten worst... to the point that I start to appreciate the silver linings of a dark cloud. SO what happened? I got burnt out. I developed major depressive disorder. I saw a psychiatrist. I took medications. Then I burned bridges with leaders in church. I question now if I am a true blue christian, cos, what does christianity mean anymore?? LOL There are more wars than ever in the early 2000s, more natural disasters, more global warming. The world and the economy are in for a ride. I dont attend HGC anymore, I dont "enfold" people or even try to do things with helping people in church anymore. I just deal with flowers and babies and Im contented. Oh I got a tattoo. I also found some reasons why I have felt so different and disconnected since this blog began. I might have ADHD! I talk too much, over share, interrupt people and annoy them, and not fit in the checkboxes of what a good and amiable and gentle spirit can be! I mean I can be gentle, and I am very gentle and loving with animals and all, but definitely not gentle in demeanor. But also, I am starting to accept that I can dont be a good person, or I dont need to strive so hard to be perfect or likeable. Cos... ppl can just be not nice. And the more I try, I might just try too hard. And... I sort of have come to accept this of me, instead of fighting it. This is me. God made me like this. Or maybe life did. But you know what, at 40, if anyone has a problem with this, I can just say "Get the fuck off!!" - no guilt. Things went very bad from 2020-2023. All the years of studying seems like amounts to naught, and it still feels this way sometimes. But on the bright side, I got my PhD and now Im Dr Phua. hohoho. I got caught up in the most absurd court case with some of my closest friend whom I dont really want in my life anymore. I was shit broke before I got a job. Then I got a job, then I got a house, then... the best thing in 2024 and in my life everrr, I had a baby!!!! The sweetest, cutest lil angel. The joy of my life. The ray of sunshine to my otherwise dark world. Elvin and Elia, my anchors in the storms of my heart. I also recently got off seeing the psychiatrist/ terminating my sessions with therapy and all. I'm on my own now but I think I should be able to manage fine. Yeap... so thats life for now... bye!