My last push for essays..

Sigh... I know im not supposed to be blogging right now... I have an essay, my last essay! Due on Monday...
Have been feeling unmotivated these few days... I'm tired of rushing rushing rushing. Got into stone mode. And I have been down with flu these days. : /
Maybe its also because I refrained myself from drinking coffee. Too much coffee, I get jittery and nervous and heart palpitations. I tremble. Too little coffee, feel like a sloth. So I drank some coffee today. And here I am, 15 minutes before midnight, typing away!
I wonder if I can keep up my grades from last semester. Cause I need to pull up my freakin cap. I got a 3.17 last year, after pulling up from 2.85. Sigh... I dun think I can even do honours. Hmm... I hope to graduate with a merit though....
The semester has gone sooo fast. I can't believe its the end of 2 years in NUS. One more year or so, I will be working! Argh! Fast. I still feel like a student. But I definitely enjoyed my time at NUS...
After monday, I can start on my much needed revision on the exams. Sighhhh .... one more month! To play!

Baptism Blues...

How now, amy cow? The time has come to take the plunge. To declare your faith and pledge a deeper commitment in Him. Fear, fear enshrouds me... Fear of authority, fear of rejection, fear of being outcasted, fear of being defiant....

But fear aside, anxiousness aside, I love God deep in my heart, and I want to take a step of faith to proclaim His wonderous works in my life. The time has come... will my love for God stand the test? Will I forsake Him at the last minute, after much proclaimation of His name only with my mouth and not with actions? Will I be like Simon Peter, who rejects Jesus at the last minute, or will I stay strong in Him?

My task of anouncement must be done soon, very soon..
For latest updates, stay tuned to how now, amy cow?...

The Human Fire Extinguisher.

Hahhahahah!!!!! I just thought of a farni post to end my sombre mood!!! wahahahahahaa

Hmm... recently, the Human Fire Extinguisher has been activated. What is that??? While Cupid goes about shooting arrows to start flames of passion, this fire extinguisher goes around to extinguish, stomp out, put out every single bit of flame in our hearts. (pssssshhhhhh...)
Me, and my good fren (I shall not name her) have been individually secretly stoking our flame. Ms FE (Fire Extinguisher) has been going around these few days to check temperature levels. Ahh.. on Wednesday she invited me and my good fren for a nice, lunch! At an ULU(God-forsaken) place. Wah... Japanese food leh..... Ok.. here goes the scenario at ULU resturant on Wednesday afternoon:

We reached the crowded restaurant. Got a table. I was asked to buy food. The queue was so long... I was standing near them. Then from the corner of my eye, I saw Ms FE and my good fren whispering, casting cheeky glances at me and my good fren was BLUSHING. (Shit... I sense something wrong... but must maintain cool image) So I looked at them coolly and asked: wad are you all tokking so excitedly about? And "My good fren", why are you blushing?" They all said nothing nothing and giggled even more. (Oh shit... Im in deep shit.) And I casted a death stare onto my good fren and continued with the queue. After like half an hour, I finally got the food and settled down. My good fren said grace and we started eating...

Ms FE: "Hmm Amy ah.. have you heard of the $&FC?"
Me: "Wad $&FC?"
Ms FE: "The $& Fan Club lo... hohohoh(giggles)... very popular one you know?"
Me: -_-''' (Heart beating damn fast.. gobbled my rice.. ) *Straight face* "Oh! really? (sacarstically) Hmm I heard so too leh.. ya very wide fan base.... hmmm..hohoho... -_-
Ms FE: SOOOO..... Are u a $&FC member??? (cheeky look)
Me: "Me?(panic...) Of course not!!!! Im an AmyPhua Fan Club member!!!!" (tryying to keep cool die die die die....)
Ms FE: So, wad do you look for in a guy?
Me: (reluctantly)... "I look for this and that.. blah blah...(change subject...)"
Ms FE(bringing me back into the subject): "So.. do you like $&?"
Me:( Face look intently into rice bowl... so beautiful rice... EAT MY RICE! EAT MY RICE! GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE..... )
Ms FE: "Answer me leh..."
Me: (Look of resigned fate.. I cannot escape this ULU place...) "Yesh..."
Ms FE (looking delighted): "Oooohhhhh why is that so? What makes you like him.. and so on and so forth...."
Me: (So I replied all her whys to the questions... albeit with the straightest face I can muster without that girlish giggle)
Ms FE:"What about you, @#(Good fren)?"
My good fren: (Went through same tekan process as me.. but not as bad as mine...)
.
. yakity yak.. yada yada yada
.
Ms FE: "Hmmm... its good that you all are willing to share... but I have to tell both of you that their fan clubs have closed memberships.... In fact, I have asked $& and ^#.. both of them has not liked any of you (censor censor)... so I think you all should.. (more advice)"
Me: " (very straight and serious face) Ok. Thanks for telling me that. Ya.. I needed someone to tell me that to jolt me out of my senses... (I could hear my heart... it cracked into many many pieces... but still maintain act cool)"
Ms FE: (more advice)

And the session ended after sharing much....

And I walked back to school feeling fizzzled ...I think so did My good fren. We spoke little.... Ms FE had done her work. My little little flame is *step step stepped!!* out. For the whole day I put on an "act cool face"... Hmmm... nothing can bother me in this world... I'm strong.. you go girl! Act man... But when I got home... wah... life is hard.. must re-adjust strategy again.....

So now... anti-cupid flame barrier has been activated. These are the procedures:
1) No look, no glance no stare policy
2) No unnecessary talk programme
3) No exchanging of eye-power
4) FLIRT FLIRT FLIRT with other people (no la.. joking joking...)
5) Activate straight face muscles. No girlish glances. I'm MAN.
6) Think that I am a guy and that I like girls only (joking joking)

I know the entry sounds casual and funny. But at first I really had a hard time. U know... the pains.. sigh but this is a necessary evil... I have to be realistic...
So, instead of feeling helpless and hopeless and presenting this in a sad manner... I have made this into a joke so that people facing the same situation (like my good fren) to cheer up... *respect* I laugh at everything....

But of course I still love my Fire Extinguisher... she has the best interests for us.. :) Looove u Ms FE!!!!

I'm somewhat in a sombre mood today, don't know why. Maybe I lack sleep. Was trying to rush my essay late last night and early this morning.

Yesterday was an eventful day. I had lunch with Beverly, a hons student in Philosophy from Navigators. It was a very enjoyable lunch. We had smoked salmon sandwich in coffee club express, and we spent some time sharing with each other our school days and also a bit of our course and faith in Christ.

I met Dawa and Valerie in the library. Had been sometime since I chatted with Dawa. Whoa... he's always going on trips to New Zeland or somewhere else to train for his everest scale. *Respect * I got to know Valerie better... turns out she was more chatty and friendly than I thought. :) And we also shared more about our faith together...

I went rock climbing (finally) after 3 months... I am impressed. I was not too disappointed in my climb yesterday. Maybe it has got to do with my stamina that improved. Maybe its gotta do with the "mood". In the "mood" to climb after so long... I looove the ache in my body...

The water bomb games we had today was funnnn..... I like being chased by people to get bombed and bombing others... Too bad I'm a bad aimer.... sigh.... But it keeps the adrenaline in me pumping... And we saboed the birthday boy Matthew. Woohoo..... Choclate syrup and flour and lipstick drawings... So fun. :P
But I felt the sabo was vey subdued... very quiet affair.. not much cheerings and shoutings leh... but it was fun la... Whee! Can I say I started the saboing trend? *smirks*
If only got pictures... then can show those ridiculous pictures.

Hmmm... so thats about what is the more exciting events that happened yesterday and today...

Ugly but Mommy still loves me.

I got a very very wonderful gift from Nicole on a sleepy monday morning. It just totally woke me up. It was wrapped up and it felt like a frame. I thought Nicole had activated her creatvie juices to do some handicrafts for me. ( wads the occasion?) So I thanked her for the gift and opened in front of her. I got the hell of a shock. Its the toilet pump on my head ENLARGED and higher RESOLUTION.




I immediately got into fits of... laughter/ epilepsy? Cos I was in the library I couldn't control the howls of laughter/ screams I was like frothing at my mouth and half-tearing. It was.. a not so glam sight. Nicole thought I ws crying. But the bottomline was, I was horrifiedly amused at how comical and ugly a girl like me can be. I still cannot look at my face in the foto with a straight face.
But other than the the ugliness, it was a memorable start to my first biathlon. Who can ever forget a shocking and controversial like that? With the swim cap looking like a toilet pump, and the skin of my face lifted at my temples so that my eyes silt even more upwards (as if its not slitty enough...) WAD A CONTORTED EXPRESSION... PUDGY FACE .. seriously..and with my double chin all showing... erghh!!!.. And to frame it up, laugh at my comical side, it really takes a lot of guts and sense of humour to laugh it off man... *respect* (to myself :P )
Thank you Nicole and your sisters for ordering my foto, framing it and getting humoured in a healthy way (meaning they laugh at my actions but not at me personally) its a classic. really.
So before I showed people the photos I had them to answer my cheap thrill question: Am I ugly? For closer friends and family members, I asked them: Do you love me?
Obviously they will say im not ugly and they love me. Then I told them to hold on to their words b4 showing them the foto. I think it made everyone's day. haha. I kept asking my mom" Mommy do you still think I'm pretty? " Of course she said yes... if not i can go jump off my HDB flat. hahaha Also grabbed this chance for people to tell me im pretty... Muahahahahaha....

But they din find it so amusing as I did. Guess I have a higher expectation of myself than others. Of course, I care about my looks more than others care about my looks. Everyone is narcissistic in some way.

Nevermind.. mommy still loves me.....

Piahing nite.

I had a fun nite staying till late with my soci buddies Nicole and Pearlyn. Its different when you stay late to study with friends. Get high on chocolates, coffee and start crapping like siao char bo. Or rather, siao char bos.
I should do this once in a while to break out of my booooring routine. Sometimes being tired is not such a bad thing. It pushes you and gets you going on high mode.
So, I had a very productive few hours completing my project with Pearlyn. We started at AS7 comp lab, closed at 9, moved to library, closed at 9.45, and finally settled at a bench outside the library till like 11.30...
Piah Piah Piah! Plus lotsa crapping, taking stupid pictures, and listening to the defunct power 98 on the internet due to poor reception.

Pictures pictures...








Wad does this face say? Hai.. resigned to fate... projects are like dat.



how to stay awake? NESCAFE!!!!! Mmm.... Lovelay....










Pearlyn smiling in front of the camera. (even though she is dead tired)





The best picture of the day.......




















Girl named Nicole*, 20. Abused. Got involved in a cat fight over a raving kickboxing trainer. She is suffering from post-traumatic stress from the incident. Please help support the anti-cat fight funds. Click here. We provide funds for fingernails trimming and love and care for the victims. Help make these lives a better one.

*Not her real name.


Siao Char Bo.

Mug Mug Mug...

Reports to hand up this week...

Lotsa essays....

Type type type...

In the school computer lab....

Munching on Chocolates..
.
.
.

Did I mention I'm slightly overweight? Haha. My BMI is 23.3. Normal range is 18-23.
Woohh fat fat fat! Grow a pot BELLY!!!!!! BLubbler....

And my eyesight is perfect!

Wooh! Essays! They EXCITE me.... Wonderful essays... :)

Red Letter Day

I'm having my period now. And it reminds me of the ordeals I had to go through during times when I am deprived of proper toilet sanitation in camps, trekking trips, adventure races when I had my period.
Therefore I do not take my pad, nor my clean toilets at home or in urbanised places for GRANTED. Like last month, I had my period while on the Uniquely Singapore Race. No time even for toilet breaks. Ergh. And I had to keep running around. Girls will know how irritating is that.
2 years ago I went to Mount Ophir. And I happened to have my period too. Mount Ophir has NO TOILET. But somehowI survived through. Haha.
I got it and still went for a kayaking expedition last year. Was so cautious about leaving marks behind, on the kayak or even when I sat down anywhere. What a burden.
I got it during camps. If you think having even to shit in a public toilet is disgusting, imagine having to use the dirty East Coast Beach/ Changi Beach toilets while having it. I see all sort of things like soiled diapers to roaches but die die still must use it. :'( Sometimes even no proper bin to dispose.
Imagine having the amount of pads I have to bring on a trip. It wastes up a significant space of my bag. And taking pads out of the bag are usually done discreetly and with much embarassment (in case some fellow guy camper sees it) Use tampon? Nah. Its a nightmare.
Why am I saying all these? You might think I'm being disgusting but I am stating what is a hidden fact of a female's life. Im sure there are many other who had worst experiences than me. Guys should appreciate the fact that they don't have to worry about dates for travelling, water activities and other stuff as much as we do. Girls who dare to bear the discomforts and go all out to do whatever they want to gains my respect. Since we already bear so much discomfort during our periods, we could reduce this discomfort further if we get rid of our embarrassment and awkwardness when faced with this on trips. We shouldn't be too uptight about this. Its not fair to us I feel. It totally dampens my mood. If I could be open about it and people understand my needs at that time, things will be much easier and enjoyable for me.
And I must say again.... Its a luxury to have clean toilets, good pads and proper disposal systems at such times...

BaFfLiNg WeEk.....

This is a crazy week... had the strangest things that happened to me..... had 'warning' sign, significant dreams, and co-incidentally similar names. ?!? WTH?
I went around Singapore yesterday to do some interviews with an underground religious movement going on in Singapore. Cannot say the name la.. blogging ain as private as it is... I wanted to find out the reasons for their persecutions because I believed it to be for merely political reasons, and not that it really is a cult. I do not personally condemn their activites in Singapore, but being a Christian, their beliefs went against mine.
I had bible study on Saturday and the topic was on caution against false prophecies and such. I read my bible on friday and it was roughly on the same thing. Hmmm... maybe I think too much about it.. Den 2 nights ago, I had a dream that I was sharing in my church group about the goodness of God in my life. I was reminded of His work and love in my life. So I went forth my interviews yesterday. To my huge suprise, the lady I interviewed had exactly the same name and surname as my advisor in church. ?!? Baffling. I'm speechless. What is this! And many things they said, I have to judge for myself what to believe. Its amusing.

And I fell into... God's Hands!!!

Did anyone watch the film "Joe Versus Volcano" before? Its a film about the contrasts between modern life and finding one's true self away from the rationalities of modern life. In one scene, Joe gets stranded on the ocean, after a storm wrecks his yacht. He was badly sunburnt, he lacked water for days, and felt utterly hopeless. When night came, he looked up at the moon rising. The humongous bright moon rose from the horizon majestically and the moonlight filled the whole place. Even in his destitution, he was appalled at God's majestic creation, and he fell down onto his knees crying, overwhelmed by God's greatness.
Many things are beyond my control. I try my darn best to want to manage my life. But really, I cannot will some things to happen. Nor do I know the consequences of my actions. I get frustrated, I fumble up, I make mistakes, I get hurt in trying to make things right, in my way.
In the midst of it, I see how fragile human beings are. It takes a superhuman to make things right all the time without failures, without downpoints in life. In my frustration at being helpless and unsure in my life, I fell on my knees before God with tears in amazement of His steadiness and sovereignity of all things. To lift up all things that are beyond my control into His hands and have full faith in His control.
And I am recharged, refreshed and renewed again and again and again, ready to get back into the hectic world ..... thats what keeps me going...

And I'm still falling....

My gosh... things are just not getting better. What the hell is going through my mind!!!!!!!

A lot of things.... a lot of things..... so many things..... arghhhh. I hate going home. I hate being at home. I hate witnessing all the quarrels. I hate the incessant talking. Argh. I'm so tired. I hate being alone. I'm confused.

I dunno what I'm doing la... :S
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On a lighter note... during Pastor Kian Cheng sermon he mentioned something about there are more than 72,000 angels. Then I told Ai Ping: "Only 72, 000 ah?" Hmm... and I suddenly wondered whether angels are segregated into male and females. And this is how the question came out:
"Do angels have sex ah?"
Ai Ping's eyes nearly popped out. Then I quickly cleared the misunderstanding and we sat there giggling for the next few minutes.

Oh no I fell into it (Part ii)

Maybe I drank too much coffee yesterday. I felt overwhelmed.... by stupid things.
On the long bus ride home, many thoughts came into my mind. How we are no more similar than being made into drones like movies in the Matrix and i robot. Really.. we are living in a rather artificial world...
1) We get our senses stimulated by simulacra, meaning a copy of the original. Its not authentic anymore, but thwarted through the skills of the cameraman. Wad I mean is we spend our time fulfilling our senses by sitting in front of a box called the TV, instead of being natural, running about the garden of eden naked and happy.
2) Everything is planned in our little country. Nothing is really "natural". Think the trees here are natural? Haha. Have you seen trees and shrubs that happes to naturally get dispersed by the tree's reproduction system, and find itself planted in an orderly manner, ie trees along the road, shrubs on an overhead bridge... etc...
3) Our names can be changed, just go to the SIR, sign some forms, chop chop, and there u have it. Changed name. But our I/C number remains PERMANENT. Meaning? Names dun mean much anymore. We are a propery of the gahment. Just like some product registered in the shopping centre. With a code for universal identification.

And I thought and thought about it.... On the never-ending bus-ride home... When I took a shower, I checked myself: Am I a natural? Aggh! My ears are artificially piereced! 4 holes!
Ok.. small mattter. Check face: No plastic, no botox. Phew. Boob check: No silicon, no saline. Natural. Phewwww.... And so on... Im going insane.

And another thought, not relating to the above. I'm not ready yet. Drop my false hopes. I still have much more to learn, to grow, to do in this university life. There is no time for it. At least I snapped out of it and realised it before I did something silly. It has been a roller coaster ride of emotions these days... =/

Oh no. I fell into it.