People who play with other's feelings should be shot. Muahahaha

Sayings from Phuafucious....

1) Fool with a heart and you shall be shot.

2) Disappointments don't matter when feelings of one's hedonistic ego is ignored

3) God our eternal Hope and Saviour is the pathway to fulfilment and hope. Not the ugly man with the big E....go.

4) Hurts are things of the past when you DIE!! DIE! DIE!!! to the flesh. Instead, let the Holy Spirit dwell within you, an empty shell of a troubled and sinful soul, so that no obstacles may cloud your way..

5) It is good to have calluses on the skin. So that biting remarks and cutting words don't penetrate too far into the raw nerve. Play the guitar and climb more. Let no foul word affect you. All these will cause skin to thicken.

6) Feelings, be it good or bad, should be reciprocated.

Ohmm.....

The Man in my life.

Ohh.. the man in my life... *gushes* I would like the man in my life to be.... handsome, gentlemanly, good character, and oh so maaan....like he can protect me from alllll sorts of things.. like the... ohhh sooo hot sun!!!! Or the... blistering rain!!!...Then I would get married, have his kids, and live happily ever after....

-_-'''

Sorry, but this entry is not about the man I would like to have. Instead, I'm focusing on the "man" in me. When I was younger, I used to be a pseudo butch. I think many teenage girls were as well. Big, huge T-shirts, huge berms, and I pierced my ears in Sec 3. I wanted to just pierce my left ear. But my mom nearly killed me. So I pierced both and wore a earring on just my left ear. I would sit like a guy, shake my legs like a guy whenever I wore those baggy clothes. But when I wore my school skirt, I made sure I kept to my feminine role. Hence I call myself a pseudo butch.

In my JC days, I was less provocative. I wore very simple clothes with shades of white, grey and black. And my shirts were still huge. I seldom wore skirts. I had nothing frilly or pink or girlish.

All these while I have seasons of emotions. Whenever I felt insecure or I felt I needed to show a strong side of me, I would resort to dressing up in a more manly fashion. So in a way its twisted. All along I saw myself becoming a strong woman. As in strong and toned, and intimidating looking. I wanted muscles.
I guess this reflects a very insecure side of me. Because inwardly I lack self-esteem, I lack confidence.

I see the masculine figure as a symbol of power. Someone not to be trifled with and someone steady and strong. I wanted to protect myself, to be independent and not rely on any man for this source of empowerment. So the man in me emerged at times.

But as I grew older, with all the clothes suitable for my age and a whole range of styles fit for a woman, I see that dressing up like a guy at my age will 1) make heads turn 2) limit me of my opportunities to look beautiful

Moreover, as I grew up into a woman of God, my self-confidence grew. My self-esteem was built up. Another huge factor to my self esteem was also from trying all sorts of things I thought was impossible to me before. Like races, trekking, and picking up new skills. It really boosted my self-esteem. So now I don't really have to look to the male figure anymore for empowerment.
I feel more empowered as a woman who can achieve her potential as a human, not a male figure.

Beneath the makeup and heels, there is this woman who believes in herself and can do many things. Thats the woman I want to be. Like Ms Japan :) Haaaa

The Peee Family -_-

Thanks to Yuxian, I'm now known as Amy Peeeeee. From Amy Phua, to Amy P. and now... Amy Peeeeee.

So.... we were at Melvin's house going through his SA days, primary annd secondary school. Jun Wei was there and he mentioned a certain teacher called Mr Phua who sort of kicked him out of the soccer team.. and I was like.. Mr Phua... Ooh... Mr Phua.. same surname as me.. and they said: " Yea! Mr Peeeeeeee...." Haha.. so its like part of my bloodline...

And then when we finished slacking at Melvin's house we took a bus back to Toa Payoh and we passed by the SA "town". And I suddenly remembered my uncle used to teach in SA primary. Suddenly I remembered the Mr Pee we were talking about. I told Jun Wei I had an uncle teaching in SA. And there are not a lot of Phuas around. So Jun Wei told me his appearance. Huge glasses, dark skinned.. immediately I knew it was my uncle. HAHA UNCLE PEE!!!!! And it was the uncle who gave me my guitars! What a small word man.

Introducing the two Mr Pees...


Uncle Thomas on the left, my dad on the right... HAHAHAH

And I'm glad to say, we have formed a Nel-rians group. (sounds like niao ren...)
Hehe.. the Toa Payoh- Potong Pasir- Senkang- Hougang group. Woohoo!

A life in exchange for Happiness

I was penning this.. this.. what do you call this... er... writing? Article? nono... writing... wadeva..
Yea as I was saying.. on a night, no not a cold night.. a hot tropical night, reflecting pondering, tired of the "me" syndrome. Meaning everything is about me, me, me. All my hurts, disappointments, frustration comes from not feeding the "me". Icky Licky Yucky. Well, its not a very cheem piece of writing, not much deep words, but just simple words from my heart... Ahem... so here goes..

A life in exchange for happiness

What is this life that I have now?
Desires that are unfulfilled
Expectancy that have no rewards
Feelings that are unreciprocated
A heart so selfish
A heart so hurting
A heart so narrow; it is oblivious,
Lord take away this life; I shall not want it,
In exchange for a life of servitude.
A life of commitment,
A heart that is open
A heart that can freely give
A heart that is
Ignorant to hurts
Ignorant to disappointments
Ignorant to jealousy
Ignorant to anger
A heart that is ignorant of all these
But sensitive to a crying soul.

All that I am,
My personality, my style, my individuality
My uniqueness, my pride,
My rights, my wants, my needs,
I surrender them to you Father

As I take on a light and easy yoke,
In exchange for a burdened, disillusioned young life

Shopping wif Daddy

Today I went "kai kai" wif Daddy. In the morning, I went to uncle Thomas Phua place to get my guitar bag. Uncle Thomas has over 10 guitars! He gave me some tips on strumming and plucking. Ooh I'm so lucky... both my guitar and guitar bags come from him. After that, we headed to mummy's office to pass her her luggage. She going off for some office retreat for the weekend....

Then we headed to Ikea for some shopping and lunch. I like to eat lunch with Daddy. Cost we both like to drink tea and coffee. (Or rather its a habit I took up from him) And both of us... know that we cannot take caffine. (We both will become very tense and nervous... haha same blood) And we both like the hot dogs at Ikea. With mustard. Mmmm....

Today Ikea got their clearance sale. Lets see what we got... I got a aroma therapy candle.. Vanilla flavour.. so that my room smells of vanilla! And I got a grater!!!!! YAY!!! Next time can grate my lemons and carrots and what nots for my cake! You know... lemon butter cake etc.. carrot cake, grated chocolate.... whee!!!!!

My father got some wooden planks to do his handicraft and a bed quilt. Cheep cheep. Speaking about handicraft... my family is arty farty.

So nice shopping with Daddy.

Passion!

I'm sorry Jun Wei and James, but between choosing my blog's popularity and violating both of your modesty, I chose the former. I had to put this picture up. The most passionate eyepower I ever seen between two people. They exude a strong aura.

TUF Camp Part 3: Crazy Antics....

TUF camp part 2- Wonders of His creation

I was looking at the photos taken during the camp... and I must say God is with us not only in mind and spirit... but in our surroundings as well... breath-taking pictures from the infamous ugly beaches of Singapore...

To keep Your Lovely face....

I sat on a beach... the white sandy shore reflected the sunlight. I gazed ahead at the ocean, it was cloudy, as though it was raining at the end of the horizon....
He sat on my left, I saw His face, it was so comforting, His glowing amber eyes seemed to penetrate my thoughts, drawing out all my woes to Him... and I sat there, and went on and on rattling my troubles to Him....
And I opened my eyes and lifted up my head which was bowed in prayer... What a cool image I had in my mind while praying... To be able to relax on a beach and uncoiling from all the downs in life... I was feeling a little tired and hopeless in my perspective in life a few weeks back. I so wanted to have a mini- getaway.. and maybe thats why I figured a beach was a good place, to commune with God...

After that prayer on Sunday, I went for my camp on Tuesday. It was held at Aloha Loyang Chalet. We had some free time before the programme started. Most of the people went to swim. I couldn't join them in swimming, so I made my way to the beach alone. And I sat down on the shore. Hmm.. it felt strangely familiar... bright shore, and cloudy skies at the far end.... and the shore was tranquil, (apart from a couple frolicking about a hundred metres away from me...) I drew pictures on the sand and enjoyed my solitude...
In the later afternoon, we headed to the beach again for games.... I tried to recall again why was the beach strangely familiar... I looked out at the skies ahead... now I remember! It was what I pictured on Sunday... hmm... that was so beautiful..... Of course, I can't help but think that God was speaking to me.. that during the camp I will be refreshed and rejuvenated... filled with His spirit and strength and hope again.

And throughout the camp the beach was to me a place of cheering up, a place where I can forget about disappointments and difficulties... a place of fun and fellowship with my brethen in Christ. Lovely lovely, to be in Christ, to be in the fellowship of Christ.... to know that God is in my midst. How I am in love again...

My JB trip

Now that the photos are out.. can finally post something on my much enjoyed JB trip wif my small group outing.

Pointers about the trip: The food was absolutely sedap! SEDAP! Good! BAGUS!

Now about my scary eating capacity.. I re-discovered them during the trip. My fren Hans planned the trip this was the itinerary:

-Meet at Bugis MRT
-Take bus to JB
-Take cab to some ulu ulu Todak restaurant for lunch (later we found that the Todak moved to a further place so we settled at ALAM recommended by the cabby.)
-Go to Jusco shopping centre (watch movie, shop etc... )
-Back to City Square
-Back to Customs and Singapore

I didn't know we were having sea food for lunch. Dang. Was complaining that I couldn't eat much cos I had a heavy breakfast. But once I reached the place I was so delighted... who wouldn't, such a scenic view..




















And starters was ice-cold coconut juice. Slurrrrp.... after a hot journey in the cab... And here comes the fooood...

With this kind of food, how can I say I'm full....? I forgot all about my breakfast and whackked the food. Until even the guys gave up eating... and I'm still at the crabs. Muahahahahaa. Whacked the crabs clean... The thing about seafood is not to eat the carbos, I avoided rice and drinks much as I could.



Cleaned up all the plates..... and the kangkong like free one... they gave us a mountainful plate of kangkong... eat sure can pang sai....

This tap is damn farni... faces out to the sea...


And we headed to Jusco! But before that, the cabby said he wanted to fetch his cute 7 year old daughter back from school. So he said give us 5 minutes and he drove to her school. I was dumbfounded... he put his daughter on his lap and drove just a street down to his nice condo apartment. wah... likedat also can. His daughter is soo cute.. ah din take picture...

And we reached Jusco... huge place....


Too bad, most of us didn't bring enough cash... so we window shopped. But I guess their shops still cannot beat teh GSS over here.. things at that shopping centre still quite costly.. but I so wanted to go this place...

SECRET RECIPE. (huh? not full from lunch ah? Eh not really leh...haha!)

We split up and walked around.. Me, Liping and Linda were together for the first 2 hours. Linda bought some Mango clothes.. Then we met at a place where those who wanted to watch movie went to watch, leaving me, Junwei, Ai Ping and Linda to shop more. Just before we left we were looking at what each other bought from shopping.

Stupid me itchy hands.... Junwei had 2 bags. He took out a shirt from Espirit from the first bag and showed it to us. I itchy hands go and take out the stuff from the second bag. And I saw... undergarment. -_-
So pai seh... haha! So I immediately shoved the thing back into his plastic bag. And I turned red. I think Ai Ping and Matthew were laughing at me. Haha...

Junwei and Linda's catch of the day...


On our way to the loo I met with a very very exaggerated display to close the gents.
Look at how they seal it.... Machiam you step inside will get blown up or something. Its just a toilet lo... hahhahaa


And we headed to Secret Recipe!!!!
I had a huge fat slice of Tiramisu cake!
Linda had cheese cake!
JunWei had chocolate banana!



Met one of my JB frens there... Jun Hui. (not related to Jun Wei. ha) She was soo sweet... she treated us to the meal at Secret Recipe.

Later on I bought a shirt at Padini Authentics. And she lent me money cos I didn't bring enough cash. Aww... without her I couldn't have bought much. :) And I shopped with her a little longer after the tea. Popular at Jusco is like Kinokuniya in Singapore. So posh and nice. Why can't they have it like that over here too man.. I bought a Pooh bear letter pad for Yimin. To say she loves Pooh Bear is an understatement. She lives on Pooh Bear.

And!!!! DINNER!!!!! MANHATTHAN FISH MARKET.


As usual.. I said I wanted something light.. but in the end I got a whole fish with a pile of garlic rice. I frightened the guys again. Ha.

Food monster....

And then Matte and Jun Wei ordered an icer-cream brownie. Ai ya... Matthew ah.. no wonder so skinny. Cannot eat liao. So, I took over and shared the dessert with Jun Wei. I should have a title as Makan Queen.


And.. something to bring back home before we left the place back to Singapore on taxi...



Doughnuts..mmmm nice and fluffy....

By the time we reached home was already midnight... But it was a good day. :)

Commencement 2006: Ceremony 1

So... my ushering duties started again on Thursday 6 July. Commencement is an exciting event for me, a lot of big shots to usher, and a lot customer service needed. Smile! Smile! Even if you hate that person.
I was kept in the University Hall to prepare for some big shot lunch away from the excitement from the University Cultural Centre where the processions took place. Yawn... had to reach NUS by 8.30 am.

This time round, C1 was a very tense event. Some state council member or something from PRC came to be conferred a honarary graduand title. Dr Li Lan Qing from PRC. Furthermore, the Lee mandate saw their grandaughter graduate at the same ceremony. So PM Lee, MM Lee, and all the other lady Lees, were there. There is this something about our MM that has an aura about him. Everyone is silenced in awe when he passes. Power... Anyway, it was also very tense as there were over 200 police officers guarding the place for this event. :P Many things to be done too... bomb sweep sqaud was there early, with all their doggies to sniff sniff here and there. Mere mortals like us had to go through metal detectors and have our bags scanned. Stressful man.

But for me, I was mainly at the University Hall to prepare for lunch. Lunch, in honour of the Honourary Graduand Dr Li Lan Qing was held in a meeting room. -_-'''. But catered by Hilton. Big event too... there were security officers, police officers, and bomb sweep team to check that the room was clear...

The menu by Hilton consisted of some prawns, Hainanese Chicken rice, some steamed fish, mee siam followed by some ice-cream dessert. Ahh.. Hilton... you must think its goood... eek. Wait till you see whats going on in the kitchen, I rather stick to my packet food man.. Cos the food has already been cooked and just brought over to NUS, they had to pack the food... in trays, and cling wraps and.. it didn't look good. :P The kitchen smelt like the rubbish dump. And at one point, dunno wad happened, there was a lot of smoke. Eek. Even the manager told us that the packet food is better.. (!?!?) but presentation wise and how they serve the food is superb. So I presume at posh restaurant and hotels, you only pay for the ambience and service. Ha.

And I have to bitch about the PRC body guards that came along with the big shot Dr Li Lan Qing. Wah these PRC people.. think they enter a restaurant or what! They are still on duty leh to protect their big shot...

I was supposed to bring them to a room where they could have their packet food. First, I held the door open for them to enter. No one bothered to thank me. Ok... nevermind...
I told them in my bestest mandarin and most politely that I will bring the food out for them. One of the (presumably their leader) told me in a thick beijing accent:" Nar yi xie hao chi de!" (Bring the good food out!!!!)

-_-'''

What the..... You think I'm some "Xiao Er" in some olden cheena restaurant is it? What you expect me to say? "SHI LAOBAN!!!(yes boss!) LAI!!!!! (come!!!)HAO JIU HAO CAI QUAN DOU NA CHU LAI!!!! (bring out the good food wine and food!!!) Eat shit la. -_-

I smiled awkwardly at him and brought the packet food out. Then he commented again! "Har?? Zhi You Zhe Yi Yang Ah???" (huh? only one type of food?) Wah... win liao lo... I'm so bloody pissed off...

So I made sure they settled down before I left the room. And goodness!!!! They eat so loudly!!!! "Chap! Chap! Chap!" "Gobble gobble gobble!" Tsk Tsk... utterly disgusted.... I left them.. utterly disgusted....

So that was roughly about C1. I was bitching about those PRC body guards to my colleagues the whole time after that..

Abby's 21st Bday

At Thai Express Marina Square....









We hopped over to Secret Recipe next door. Abriena's 21st Birthday. Look at the candles and the cake.. I brought the "happy birthday" sitck from home. And the candles as well. HA.

















Flowers for a girl. Flowers always go.... for any occasion, even funerals... oops.















The card I made for her on the left. A bit ugly.. :P And the gift for her on the right. A set of earrings and necklace.















What is a JC gathering without goofy pictures of me? It is a tradition for Mei Yen to pose as such. Ha. Got milk?








The "nai(3) mei(4)" sisters. The kiddicino that I drank really sucked. Tea don't go well with chocolate. Yucks.







Lay Keow and Ship. I realised their hair all very black. Raven Black. So Asian. Wow.







I love Secret Recipe. Their cakes are BIG and FAT. And not too heavy.... light and spongy. And CHOCOLATELY. We had chocolate banana and mocha walnut I think. And I love cakes. I absolutely love cakes.










Uh.... Ya. She is happy. (Dunno what is she thinking man... dreaming? drooling? A bit "hua chi"..)