If anyone one still reads...
I have been trying my hardest best to do some reflection over myself the past days. The more I try, the more I feel like sleeping. -__-'''
And I have just reached to a stage where I want to do nothing but just sleep and shut off.
Is tired an appropriate word?
If one is full of zest and passion, they never get tired.
Tired is a word used expressing the physical exhaustion, but it reflects the mental state.
If one is bored, they are tired of life.
In a way, I am tired of life. I look at the constraints and the mechanics of things around me and I heave a sick and tired sigh.
Once again I'm disgusted at the way society has taught us with regards to the sucess and the ideals of living. The over-emphasis on certain things bombard our lives to such a great extent, till I'm confused. I see what has affected me for the past few years and the things I do to find my person. It seemed I built the foundations of my confidence and security on air. Cos they have been made and broken from person to person, from things to things, emotions to emotions, and I don't like the way it goes.
The thought of an ordinary life scares the hell out of me, and my search for a more spiritual journey entails me to ask this question: Is it for the reason to escape and detach that I want to do different things from the norms?
Then I thought that if this were really the case, my actions could not stand for anything, and in time even my quest for something different from the norms will utterly fail, because I cannot escape what is around me and what I live in. I live and breathe in the structure of this world, enshrouded by these rules and norms, relating and interacting with the very people which consists of these rules and norms.
In a sense, I seek not for the spiritual but I seek to escape. Maybe some sort of romanticism. If this is true, then no matter what I find and go along, I will never be happy. Because at the end, I do not seek for passion but I seek for comfort and to stay in my comfort zone, something that I can find solace in.
This is what passion is about. Seeking the root of my comfort and solace, but not comfort and solace itself. Have I truly found this passion of mine?
Thats what I'm trying to find out, and end up dozing off most times.
