A piece of my mind...

I started learning to play the guitar from Elizabeth on Sunday. I am hooked onto playing the guitar now. Adding on to the bonus that I have a guitar at home, so my family members have pretty much gotta bear with my horrible strumming and singing all the way to the middle of the night. Ha.

Driving lessons have been fulfilling as well... I am now taking 2 blocks of lessons each time I go for driving lessons, like a total of 3 hours each time. Its tiring, I get exhausted at the end of it all, but its fun! Very fun. Compared to the nightmarish days of learning manual driving... In between lessons yesterday, I was so tired, and I drank Red Bull. By lunch time my hands were all shaking. I think I am sensitive to caffine... official...

I just got back from a run. Today was baaaad... My legs were all cramping and I didn't even complete 5km. I was supposed to reach 9km. :P Guess my legs are screaming in protest to me now... Easy man...

Ahhh.. so thats my life for now. I'm trying different new things all the time... Thats what I like about myself... I'm willing to get out of my comfort zone to experience different things. Though I may not go too deep into the sport/ activity I do, but I maintain a moderate amount of passion into it. It seems that only at this age, at 20, I have lived out my life so much more than before. I'm still learning and growing(not physically la!), perhaps even more so than in my teenage years. So many things, about manners, courtesy, socialising skills, how to deal with people, I am still struggling to understand it all...

Or rather, my life perspectives have taken a drastic turn in recent years. Whatever seemed important in the past have faded away to me now. Whatever I did not even imagine or thought of last time, have taken a centre stage in my life.

Admist a world of people so filled with their own ego; their appearances, their attitudes, their self-centred values, what I cherish most now is a person not with a beautiful face, but a beautiful heart. And I have seen these people, they are the ones that are the dearest to my heart, that really inspires me. Yes, people with a beautiful heart, those that care for others, those that would look at you in the eye while you pour out your woes to them... I want to be like them. Not some good-looking person who is occupied on how to make themselves look better, and how to gain attention, but a person that is able to love everyone else unconditionally.

Hmm.. I know this has nothing to do with trying different things in my life, but thats me. I want to be all-rounded. This is how I want to live my life. With meaning and experience. And a whole lot more of values and things to learn and change. At least when I die and when I see God I can tell Him its because of His love for me and the people He sent around me I tried to love others, and that His love for me brought so much inspiration and encouragement to reach my goals in life. :)

From her perspective...

Here I am, in a foreign land,
Deep in the night, lying on my bed
I think of home, and the people whom I love back there

I am treated as a stranger here,
They say I cannot be fully trusted
Yet I stay with them, and handle their personal chores

In their eyes I can never be an equal
I'm but a shadow in the house that keeps everything in place
I cannot dine together with them, it is considered atrocious,
I eat the leftovers of what I cooked.

In this foreign land I come, my life is given away to this place
My time and space is not my own
I have to ask and negotiate my leave
Even then, I don't get my freedom like the rest of you;
Weekends and night-time, you knock off, but there is none for me

Just like every other human on earth,
I fall in love too.
Are my rights for love and emotions given away to my contract too?
Why do some send me home straight after they suspect of a love affair?

What is left of me?
Someone devoid of passion and emotions,
Some drone who can work and obey,
With no desires and wants,
Why don't you hire a robot instead?

So where do I stand in this foreign land?
Some call me stupid, some call me unreliable
As much as they detest us, they need us too
But I will never be fully human, fully respected in their eyes

Deep in the night, as I lie on my bed
I close my eyes and heave a sigh...
My day will start again, before the sunrise....

BYE BYE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!!!!!

Today, I say bye bye to Amy-the-damsel-in-distress and hello to Amy-the-YOUTHFUL. Wahahaaha!!!!!

I cut my hair la. Simple as that. Simple, but it means ALOT. I always feel joyous after a haircut. Like "my true persona is a person with shorter hair" Now, as I look back my photos with the long hair, I go.. eww so... girl. (I know I'm a girl but... lets just say there are many types of gals)

I feel younger. I always call those 15-18 yr olds "young punks". Today, I am a young punk myself!!!!!! Whee!!! Im young again! Minus the Damsel-in-distress Long Hair!!! Woohoo!











Plus factor: kept up with my training programme today and I tried to run 7km. But I managed only 6 becos of the slopes and I walked about 1km. But I think because I din stretch properly after running I had knee pains again. Sigh. But, it was a good run with Nicole! And after that we had a nice brunch at Toa Payoh- Nasi Lemak+ otah+popiah mmmm and showed her around Toa Payoh. Its a HAPPENING central. My area :)

Cat in Toa Payoh...

Anyway, I had my driving lessons yesterday. 2 lessons straight from 12.45 to 4.15 :P. My first instructor was a joker. Really. First, he fell asleep and snored for about a minute while I was on the road. (?!?!?) Den, after that he asked me with a stern face:

Instructor: "Do you know what must you do when you encounter a slope?"
Amy: " Er.. handbrake??"
Instructor: "NOTHING. (Chuckles) For manual you have to do many things, but for auto car you do.... NOTHING.
Amy: "Oh...okay..haha."

Then I met with a slope while entering the circuit...

Instructor: "So here got slope... what must you do??"
Amy:" Nothing..."
Instructor:"GOOD!!!!!"
Both of us: "MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA....." (Laughing at the manual car in front of us that rolled backwards on the slope...)

Crazy instructor...

Running running... running to.... health?

The alarm clock rang at 6.15am. I snoozed it. It rang every other 10 minutes. Till 7am. Then I switched it off. At 8am I received a call from Melvin Jiao Lian. "you running today or not?"
Initially I thought I would give it a miss. But since jiao lian called... den so pai seh to slack further... so I decided to run.
And so I ran 5km today in the Macritchie trail. It was a slightly harsher terrain with rocks and slopes. But I did it! I ran about 5km this morning! Another feat accomplished. Yea. Den I met up with Melvin to discuss some of the routes and exercise moves to warm up and down. Yea. Den I had brunch. So... this friday, I am going to try 7km run. :P *gasp* Is it feasible??? I will only know on Friday.... scary...
Went home, bathed, rested a bit and headed down to Crystal to do some TUF camp planning. Cool! I like the programme :) It was "fruitful"
Den the committee had dinner down at Marina Square. The guys talked about their army days and their encounters with creepy crawlies. Sounds fun. All the stories of blasting spiders with their guns, cicadas crashing into their faces, snakes slithering up their pants.... toads on chests..wahaha
From my own experience, the lorry I sat on in Malaysia when I was there for a trekking trip ran over a snake. That was 2 years ago. The guide pulled over, picked up the snake and loaded it onto the lorry with us gals in it. (He wanted to bring back to cook it) Imagine how we screamed our heads off man.... :)))

Nothingness....

Spent the whole day at home trying to read the Da Vinci Code and some other Christiany books. I gave up after half a day.... So boring.
Its rather depressing staying at home eh.... Especially when I forgot how is it like to sit in front of a google box to watch moving images. Yea. I meant the TV. I forgot how to watch TV since last semester. And I increasingly find those channel 8's 7 and 9pm shows very distasteful. And erm, stereotypical. Same old story. Since when I was a young girl who used to watch TV. Same kinda plot. Bleaah.
And so I tried to take a nap. But the weather was so hot I slept only for a while. Watched MTV (the only channel I frequent, which acts abit like a radio) Sad songs... if not, raunchy songs. Which reminds me of Pink's Stupid Girls. I likeee it. She's got an attitude. And I totally agree on her take on stupid girls. Hope I wun be like dat too... :P Bimbotic and relying too much on looks.
So at 3pm I couldn't take it and I went for a swim. Swam about 10++ laps, and kids started flooding in the pool for lessons. So I got out.
I think I'm addicted to blogging. I'm at it almost everyday, either writing my own blog or reading others'. Is that a good thing? I guess everything has to be done in moderation...
At 7 tried to watch Xmen 1 on vcd and I gave up after my dad pulled me to the dinner table. So I lost the mood for watching. And here I am after dinner, glued to the PC screen again with the MSN on. I'm a PC-chair potato.
I'm supposed to be at Gelare now with the rest of my seasports camp group members, but since I only got the msg this afternoon at about 4-5pm and its at Holland Village and on account of my burning pocket and also on account on my anti-socialness today, I have decided to slack in the comforts of my home.
I'm supposed to run tomorrow. @#$%. Sorry Mr Lao Sai aka Melvin Jiao Lian...but I feel so slack now...

I have been feeling rather troubled lately. I'm starting to wonder if the "adultness" of this world is really so dark. Everything seems to be a facade, and we all have deep hidden thoughts in us. Feelings and emotions that we developed as adults, and yet most of the times we push it back into our minds. There are so, so many things I need to let out, but to whom? The pressure is building up, especially after the exams, my mind has nothing much else to be occupied with, my suppressed emotions are re-surfacing. How should I deal with it?
Its not that I don't trust my friends when I confide in them, but I really don't know what will come out of it. Their advice, their opinions, is it really the best? They don't know what is really going on between me in my situation, and some have truthfully said they are in no position to tell me anything... which I truly agree. And, perhaps the more I confide, the more I will dwell it in my heart....
But things are not getting any better. I have been having nightmares. I have been dreaming almost everynight. Same subject. I tried as hard as I can, to shake myself off this situation. But it only works, I can only do so, when I am very very clear of the intentions and the thoughts of that person. I am so boggled by it. I am frustrated at this point. How am I being treated in his eyes? Is he misleading me into something I expected but it seems to him like a normal friendship? I smile, I laugh in his presence, in everyone else's presence, but sometimes beneath all the mad ramblings and insane laughter I give off, lies an aching heart. A boggled, disappointed heart.
All my life I told myself not to get affected by stuffs like that, but at this point every minute of my time is overwhelmed with this big big question: where do I stand right now? Am I clinging onto false hopes? Its eating into my time and my desire for God, and I feel soo burdened by it.
Ultimately, no matter what the outcome, I know I have to, and want to stay where I am now, free with a heart and growth for my personal and spiritual development. No strings attached, feeling free and unburdened... But right now I know I can't... I am unable to feel this way yet.

Mommy Day

So this is my gift to my mama. Sigh. I know I haven been a perfect daughter.... I broke her heart so many times :P, and I'm not exactly a lovey dovey huggy kinda daughter either.... but I'm still trying to be the best I can be... Happy Mama's Day. Its not easy to be a parent.

Sea Sports Camp

I just came back from the NUS Sea Sports Camp. It was a 3-day camp, packed with.... sea sports.
Had wakeboarding, windsurfing, sailing, life saving and kayaking.

Of all the sports, I loved wake-boarding and windsurfing most. Wakeboarding is this expensive hobby where you get pulled by a speed boat. Just sitting on the speed boat made me feel like some gal in James Bond or something. :P HAHA. Aye... If only I wore my bikini and I had a hot body... den I really look like a Bond Gal. Ha.
I fell flat on my face into the water many many times while trying to stand when the boat pulled me. My sinuses and brains felt like they have been flushed with longkang water. And I also drank quite a bit of longkang water... It was so painful... After that the whole day I felt like my brains were still flooded with seawater.. BUT... at the very very last moment, I managed to stand for like 10 seconds! Ha.

The same goes for windsurfing... me, Nicole and Fish had priveilges as our fren Joel was helping out for windsurfing.. we had special treatment in some sense, he coached us mostly... I got most of my brusies during windsurfing... cos the waves brought the board crashing onto my legs...

Eye Candy #1
Life saving session was pretty boring, except for the hot hunky lifeguard... *drools* My gosh.. his tanned body.... lean muscular frame and his sunglasses... ahhh.... And then he commented that I threw my rope pretty far and well... :) :) :) (we were supposed to practice throwing ropes to victims) My eye candy for the camp... @_@ Ahem.. for those who claim that I am 3/4 lesbian... apparently not so. :)

And kayaking was pretty much the same for me... But strangely I didn't enjoy the camp as much as I thought... Maybe because I dun warm up to people I dun know... cos I felt pretty uneasy and uncomfortable interacting with them... and my fren Fish was just yakking away... sigh.. if I can only be as chatty as her.. Perhaps I'm unable to let go of certain burdens in my heart as well... (hmm wad is it... hehehehhh... dunno...???)

But overall the camp was fulfilling... muscles worked, tan achieved, experience gained. Tired but satisfied. :)

Eye Candy #2

After breaking camp in the afternoon I went for a primary school gathering in Downtown East. 9 years!!! Imagine I have not met some of them for 9 years! From puny kids to grown ups now!!! Any way.... there is this classmate called Shi Hao whom I think he was good looking in primary school... I didn't like him back then.. I only developed crushes for guys in secondary school.. a bit slow compared to kids nowadays..... but I saw him yesterday. What can I say... He's tall, he lost his baby fats, and he looks.... @_@... I dunno.. I liked looking at his face. Hum sup.... hahaha

Back to the gathering. It was one of my classmates 21st birthday party. And her boyfriend is also our primary school classmate. That dude liked her for 9-10 years... wah.. so sweet. my class... powerful. And I saw all my classmates... the gals were all nice and petite and demure.. and they talked with their hands covering their mouths that kind... and they spoke mandarin. So I stuttered to them in my...mandarin(is it mandarin or some amyish language?) So one of the gals brought her boyfriend to the party, much to the dismay of one of my guy classmates. :P They got together for some 2-3 years in secondary school and they broke off recently.. wah really scandalous, my class... and its primary school somemore. Sometimes it is fun to be in mixed school :) haha.

Back to my eye candy. He drove me home!!!! :) :):):):) Cos he lived near me. He has a car... Mazda something.. and its new... no... its not the car.. its HIM....... On the car, I found out he is SINGLE. And never got attached before. Just like me. *.*
Aiya! Wad am I thinking about... *smack smack*

Hmm.. ok... so that is the end of my exciting 3 days!

Post Exams Withdrawal Symptoms....

Post exams withdrawal symptoms... At a loss of what to do after exams.. And a huge pocket to burn.

On Shopping...

Singapore is a boring place. For the females, what other stuff can you do except shop? On a normal day. Avoid the sun! It scorches... So.. anyway, shopping is a source of retail therapy. BUT that DEPENDS again on where you shop. In places where the clothes are meant for underdeveloped teenagers, in small stalls like the Heeren and Far East plaza or Bugis Village, shopping = depression for me. The clothes DUN FIT. And they dun offer any L size. I see why now TopShop and other Western retail outlets appeal to us 20 something age group. We need angmoh sizes. We are bigger, in every aspect.

On Movies...

Bloody s***.... its $9.50 on weekends! Cut throat... Sigh.. I watched MI3 last Saturday... and its disappointing. SO unrealistic. I mean.... you swerve and crash cars on the road and explosions start blasting, with missiles and all, just to kill/ save one life. What about those people involved in the blast and the traffic accidents? So INDIVIDUALISTIC. They only focus on the individual. So its ok to kill unimportant lives just to get your rabbit's foot! Right...
And during the movie... some MORONIC ASSHOLE decided to thwart our $9.50 movie by using a laser pointer to play around with the movie screen. SHIT YOU!!!!! WAIT TILL I FIND U... I WILL POINT THE LASER RIGHT INTO YOUR PUPILS AND BURN YOUR EYEBALLS!!!!!! Hmm.. scully I mutate his eyeballs and he turn out to be like Cyclops and destroy me how ah??
Oh ya.. X-Men is coming!!!!! I like Wolverine.... His blades are cool.. Wished I can have them. Den I can slash all the irritating people in the world. Like that one who played with his laser pointer. And the blades are indestructible, So are his alloy skeleton. Imagine I had them... right... people will run away from me. Yee.. no.. then I will be as hairy as Wolverine. Oh man... den I have to spend more time and money waxing my body. Ouch. no.

On eating at restaurants...

Sometimes... seriously, I think those franchise restaurants (Swensens, Cafe Cartel, Pizza Hut... etc) their food... sigh. And they cost a lot, especially with GST. But I like Swensens. Though I have to pay GST as well, but the staff there are really friendly and thoughtful. And they have special priveileges for birthdays as well. Nice. But eating at these restaurants not very healthy leh. All the pasta and the deep fried cutlets...french fries, chicken wings... eek. Eek.

I need a job. I need a job... to sustain this lifestyle for 3 months... if not I shall just eat air....
Yea... and I need to update my wardrobe... need a change of style!

Okie... Enough crapping... I need to go for my *gasp!!!* driving lessons now.

Training starts TODAY.

Woke up today feeling so tired and liveless. The alarm clock rang at 6.15. I put it on snooze till 6.45. After slamming the clock a few times against my mattress, I dragged myself up, changed and went out of the house groggily. Gotta meet Melvin to run. Wah... felt so tired. Dun know if I could survive...
And I waited for the bus at the wrong side of the road... when the 130 bus came, I realised it was going the wrong direction. Argh... so I shffled up the OVERHEAD bridge to wait for the right bus... Sigh.. my wrkout began with an overhead bridge climb.. plus the aching thighs from yesterday morning's run... :P
And so I met Melvin (and again I waited for him to come out of the toilet) and we started doing a series of warm-up and stretching. Melvin had some personal strectching postitions that I never seen before and they kinda looked like yoga poses.... and to strengthen my side knee muscles (he went on to explain a whhole lot of theory on how the muscles of the knee worked) I need to "gelek gelek", prance around from side to side with my hands swinging in circles in the air for motion. Haah.. and after the stretching we were ready to run...
We ran on the wooden boards at the side of the swamp and it was nice and peaceful.. ahhh looking out at the nice reservoir.. Its a feat today... I ran and chatted with him without feeling too breathless and I ran without stopping for 5 km. Cool.. compared to this morning when I couldn't even move my butt of the bed..
Ahh.. thats the start of my training programme.. dang... have to run again this friday.... Hmm.. but think about it.. if I continue this schedule.. I WILL SLIM DOWN!!!! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA .......
Its tough.. but guess I should be able to pull through... discipline! discipline!!! Haaa.. got a seasprts camp tomorrow.. wun be seeing some of you guys for the next 3 days...
Will update more on my camp when I'm back! ..

My N.U.S (N.utcased-U.ndergrads' S.ociety)

Yea now that the exams are finally over I have ALL the time in the world to blog.

I have to comment on the hmmm... interesting people I see around NUS, especially when exams are drawing near...

During exams...

there is this guy who used a sock as his pencil case...

another guy who used his credit cards and other valuable cards at the foot of the table leg to stablise the shaky table.

a tutorial mate who brought in a glass(not a bottle) of chinese tea INTO the exam hall

Preparing for exams

there was this guy who I passed by sitting at the side of the staircase staring hard and blanky with glossy eyes into the ground.

another guy who walks around the library level aimlessly for his study breaks, and gives people happy "unbirthday" gifts (not your birthday but just a gift)

matte studying with sweater wrapped around his head like some scarf/ terrorist

Me stoning at the dark forum for 1/2 hour in the rain.. staring blankly into the wider scenery and the rain...

Welcome to my NUS.