In case anyone doesn't know yet, my new (additional) name is Bernice. Yes. My baptism name. It means victory, in Chirst. You can call me Amy Bernice (that sounds sophisticated). Or Bernice. But most people still call me Amy or Mei Yen. That is fine. Bernice is just a name of significance. I was baptised on Saturday, 4 November.
I'm suffering from identity crisis.
Lately, I have been dressing up. Earrings, skirt, hair, clothes.... cos I felt like dressing up. I felt like I wanted to look like a dainty lady. And I enjoyed doing that. But I guessed I overdid it. I jolted out of it on Sunday. I wore a dress on saturday and another dress on sunday, with a cardigan over it. Yes, the dress looked very lovely. I morphed into this demure "lady" I felt I had to sit right and carry myself properly. The last straw came when I went to Ai Ping's house. I wanted to play Xbox like a guy and sit on the floor. I wanted to feel at home. But I was hindered by the dress. My mannerisms was also hindered by the dress. Damn. Can't laugh and joke crazily with the guys in a dress.
I decided I had enough. Im tired of trying to look feminine and pleasant. Slipped into my old jeans and dry-fit tee shirt today, with a huge checkered shirt as a jacket. Ahh... felt so comfy. Can prop my legs, can be comfortable and act myself. Tied my hair into a plain ponytail. There. I felt neutral. No exuding yin aura. Just me. The neutral me. :) Erm, but for fun, I painted mu nails shocking pink. Haha.
So if you see me looking very "slack" these days, you know why. I missed my old plain self. More large shirts and sarongs to come. I'm putting my skirts and "female" tops on hold for the time being.
