I'm a softeeee.... reeeaal softeeee.... (even though I may seem quite rough.. hur...)
I'm feeling really sorry for what I done now... in a spur of anger.... I was quarrelling with my father over holiday trips (as usual). I was angry at him for always changing his mind, so I just said what I felt in a very harsh manner and walked away...
Later on when I spoke to him again for other mundane matters, he just told me in a grave but soft manner that I was very defiant. I insisted I wasn't. But he explained to me why he (always) changed his mind. Anyway I followed what he said and didn't go against him. But I think he was very upset that his daughter had become "rebellious"... something he will always use to describe me since secondary school when I did something unexpected... (who doesn't wish for perfect, always obedient angelic daughters that dropped from heaven? Hahha)
I went back to my room still feeling angry... but I think... aaaahhhh.. better apologise to him la... I want to show him I'm not defiant... so I just went to apologise and impressed upon him for the umpteeth time that I am not the "rebellious" kind.
But after I apologised to him he told me: "I know deep down you are not defiant... your tone just now was..." And yes.. I'm a softeee.. I went back to my room and felt a lump in my throat.... To make things worse I had in my mind already to watch Christina Aguilera's MTV titled Hurt... Suay suay it was about daughter-father relationship... I RAINED. Then I recalled all the good things he has done for me and I felt soooooo bad.... Watch and you will know why...
My pastor used to tell me that its the sins in our lives that hinder our relationships.... We always want things our way, sometimes forgetting to consider what are the implications of our wants. Its because we are all not born perfect, we disappoint and hurt others....
We have too much pride in us, so its hard to say I love you, or I'm sorry....
Think sometimes I expect too much from people, I expect my father to be 100% perfect, but, after pondering through, what more can I ask for? He is the best father I can ever have, cos he really loves and cares for my well-being, and I know he loves his wife and family very much... There have been so many stories of other men abandoning their families, having extra marital affairs, I should be thankful I don't experience this....
I'm a softeeee......
