Oh gosssshhhh I can't believe it... I failed my driving test for the third time! After three years!!!! Whats wrong with me!!!!!! Arghh!!!! Angry at both myself and the annal tester...
If you want to know how angry I am, here is what happened to me over the last few days:
- My aunt told me I was so angry I was grunting and kicking unconsciously in my sleep.
- I cried for 2 days
- I swam as much as I could on one morning
- The following evening, I went for a sprint around my neighbourhood, running till I was panting deeply
- The next morning, after the run, and STILL angry, I broke a pencil with one hand. That felt soooo goooood.
But somehow I needed to contain this anger. If unleashed, I think I would do something stupid to myself.... NAH. IM NOT GOING TO LET MYSELF BE PUT DOWN BY THIS.
After my sprint round my neighbourhood, I sat down near the play ground to clear our my thoughts. Firstly, I have a good reason to celebrate. I have finally gone for baptism after waiting and desiring it for a long time. So.... what is a measly (though costly) driving license compared to the gift of life and a bondage to God?
And I was reminded of this verse:
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat- for He grants sleep to those He loves." Psalm 127: 1-2
Ok... so in the Lord I trust, that in His timing things will be made right. Patience.... PATIENCE. And setting my priorities rigth with Him. Maybe I valued my license way too much, and not focused on other more important priorities... maybe my huge ego lay in materialistic things like a driving license. And if I lost it, will my sense of well-being come crashing down? On what do I base my esteem on? Materialisitic things or values? Hmmm...
But seeing this from a non-religious point of view, sometimes I feel that things in life are just made unfair. I felt sooo powerless over this situation. Me, a student, and the tester, from the traffic police with authority to pass/ fail a student. A matter of minutes. A matter of mood. And all the effort put in for months comes to naught. AND THE POWER LIES IN THE TESTER'S HANDS. And I am trapped in the system. The whole BUREAUCRATIC SYSTEM. Cos the next test according to the computerised system will be next year, February. BLOODY RED TAPE. Bloody queues. Argh. You can't help it when you are in the marginalised group of CMI(cannot make it) learner driviers like me. You feel the pinch of being trapped in a driving school with such an extended period of time and the cost to pay... I think it amounted to thousands of $$ :(
Can someone share this pain with me? Someone come mourn with me and sympathise with me.... Boohoohoooooo..... I think I might go about pencil breaking this few days... somehow its therapeutic..... Ohhh my broken ego...... :-(
