What does life entail to each person?

Just when my life felt enshrouded by the things happening around me, the mistakes I done, my carelessness, the nitty gritty things that happened at work, I felt almost buried by it.

Sometimes I wonder to myself, what a pity, because if I don't succeed, I will never be accepted, I will never survive.

I often see myself in the future, if I didn't excel in life; I see myself a jaded old lady, seated in a dark house, waiting for time to pass, to pass away.
Sometimes I lie on my bed in the afternoons and this cold, cold, empty feeling overwhelms me, this void, this meaninglessness, and it scares me.

Is my life really bound to be doomed, bound to be insignificant, bound to just exist for a split second in the span of history?

And yet in this split second of history, this void, unhappiness, unfulfillment felt like eternity, such a damned feeling... feeling useless, unwanted, cast away.

In my brooding, in my hopelessness, I came across a picture on the web:

A breath-taking view of the mountains.

And I reminded myself again, to look up and beyond my troubles, because the essence of my life is not there. It lies in something else, that everyone can have, everyone can understand.

It lies in the beauty of creation, in the love of a Creator, in the love of people.

If I had no love, even if I were the utmost perfect and successful person on earth, life would still suck.

Swine Flu Bluess

Yeay... changed skin again....

Amy is in a mode of self-pity, today.

Please shake her out of it.

A day at Pulau Ubin

Life is great.

Because I think I'm starting to find myself.... not in anyone or anything else,

but in You.

:)

Today, Amy is feeling...

Emo-fied.

Solitude

Solitude, in my solitude

There is a place, just You and me....

Solitude, in my solitude,

I come down, to worship you

In my solitude, I learn something new

Each day

In my solitude, I find strength again

To carry life through

All my hurts and pains

All my grieves and shame

Are washed away

As I come to you

As I take a step

From the life I had

The world I know

Begins to fade... away....

Let Your kingdom come.....

The strange atmosphere continues, as if like I walked into a warped space......

Winky wonky brains. Neither having a fever, nor feeling at tip-top condition.

Random thoughts gel into my mind and I don't feel coherent or clear-minded enough.

Took the day off to rest....

Sighz.... get the flu or whatsoever virus away....

If anyone one still reads...



I have been trying my hardest best to do some reflection over myself the past days. The more I try, the more I feel like sleeping. -__-'''



And I have just reached to a stage where I want to do nothing but just sleep and shut off.

Is tired an appropriate word?



If one is full of zest and passion, they never get tired.



Tired is a word used expressing the physical exhaustion, but it reflects the mental state.



If one is bored, they are tired of life.



In a way, I am tired of life. I look at the constraints and the mechanics of things around me and I heave a sick and tired sigh.



Once again I'm disgusted at the way society has taught us with regards to the sucess and the ideals of living. The over-emphasis on certain things bombard our lives to such a great extent, till I'm confused. I see what has affected me for the past few years and the things I do to find my person. It seemed I built the foundations of my confidence and security on air. Cos they have been made and broken from person to person, from things to things, emotions to emotions, and I don't like the way it goes.



The thought of an ordinary life scares the hell out of me, and my search for a more spiritual journey entails me to ask this question: Is it for the reason to escape and detach that I want to do different things from the norms?



Then I thought that if this were really the case, my actions could not stand for anything, and in time even my quest for something different from the norms will utterly fail, because I cannot escape what is around me and what I live in. I live and breathe in the structure of this world, enshrouded by these rules and norms, relating and interacting with the very people which consists of these rules and norms.

In a sense, I seek not for the spiritual but I seek to escape. Maybe some sort of romanticism. If this is true, then no matter what I find and go along, I will never be happy. Because at the end, I do not seek for passion but I seek for comfort and to stay in my comfort zone, something that I can find solace in.

This is what passion is about. Seeking the root of my comfort and solace, but not comfort and solace itself. Have I truly found this passion of mine?

Thats what I'm trying to find out, and end up dozing off most times.

My dead blog....


Hello to my dead blog... I have since neglected you since I started to use Face book, but its okay, you are still useful, when I have the time.

All I want to say at this time is,

I'm not the same person as I used to be.

Struggle....


Life's a struggle, most of the times...

You are either in or out,

Up or down,

To experience a breakthrough in life,

one would always have to let go,

move out of the comfort zone,

and take a leap of faith.

Life never brings you to still waters and stagnant air.

If you seek life, to the fullest,

grab hold of its end, all the vibrant streams that life brings gushes past you

full of colour and sparkle, glitter and, perhaps, tingling sensations?

So fast, your face flushed with all the adrenaline,

your stomach cringing with the fluttering of the butterflies....

Going through all the ups and downs in life.

At life's end, everything reaches to a thump.

Quiet, you reflect, what have you done?

What have I done... ?

Certainly, something useful I hope, something purposeful.... something.... fulfilling.

And for that, I close my eyes, and let myself fall out of the realm I was once familiar,

Fall... stumble and tumble into the larger, bigger realm, His realm,

More filled with life, more filled with colours and sparkle,

More filled with abundance.