Hahaa... I got this from Jun Wei's blog.. since I'm so bored.. I shall answer those stupid questions. But I'm too lazy to go tag 5 other people's blog. So I shall just make do with the questions...
Favourite colour: green
Favourite food: chocolate cake
Favourite movie: Disney's Hua Mulan
Favourite sport: Rock Climbing
Favourite day of the week:Friday
Favourite ice-cream: Cookies and cream
Favourite TV shows: Nil
Current mood: Stoney
Current taste: curry puff hairdo and nerdish chick
Current clothes: uh.... not so glam to say.. homeclothes.
Current desktop: Picture of sunset taken at the camp
Current toenail colour: Uh supposed to be natural pinkish la.. but.. its a bit yellow and ... maybe got toe jam.. AHHAHA
Current time: 11.30pm
Current annoyance: My flabby belly
Current thoughts: I'm gonna try the curry puff hairdo tomorrow!
First best friend: My fren in primary school. still in contact!
First crush: I think in Sec 2...
First movie: Space Jam :)
First lie: Dun remember.
First music: Uh... dun remember...
Last cigarette: I don't smoke.. although I have learnt the art of 'smoking'
Last drink: Earl Grey tea from Marks and Spencers... (high classed eh??)
Last car ride: Dady's car this morning to the bus stop
Last crush: Dooceedoo cee doooo........
Last phone call: Yesterday with Pei Qi meeting her for the Melvin's birthday dinner
Last CD played: A burnt cd with Christian songs.
That was fast....
Monday, August 28, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
A Woman's Worth
This entry is written for women... my female friends, and also to myself in times of dejection. I think one of the greatest trouble women have with themselves is their self-worth, and their self-confidence. Many of us feel insecure, and even more so out of love. Many of us have our self worth and self esteem thrown into a turmoil after a break-up, after being rejected and after being disappointed.
My self worth is the most important thing to me.... without it my world will come crashing down. And nothing should take my self-worth and self-esteem away. I have regained it through the years, and nothing should take me away from it.
But you my fren, you are priced beyond what you can imagine. You are more important than how he thinks you are.
You are a woman. And you care for your family in a way a man usually does not. Without you, there will be a missing part in your family portrait.
You may not be his cup of tea. You may not be his kind of porridge. But... is he your standard whereby you measure your self worth? Does it mean that anybody else who is not his cup of tea is unworthy? No.. definitely not.
She may be prettier in his eyes, she may be more capable, more "feminine" more... this and that... but she is after all human, and humans are imperfect. All fall short of the glory of God. You have your strengths and weaknesses, so does she.
In his eyes, your worth and your standards are overlooked, under-estimated. But in His eyes, you are so valued, so loved... even the price of death that He paid on the cross is worth for you. In your loved ones' eyes, how does life go on without your presence? Without your care? In your friends eyes, in my eyes, life in school, life outside will different and less interesting without your presence. Be inspired. And go out to inspire.
With or without him, life is full and vibrant. There are so many things we can do out there. So many hidden potentials in us, so many things to discover. And that can only be done when you believe in yourself. When you have this confidence that you can make it. Never, never look down on yourself. Yes, you may feel inadequate sometimes because humans are imperfect and we all make mistakes. But tell yourself you can correct it and move on. Don't stop there.
You did not come to this world to be a loser. You do not live everyday feeling unaccepted and worthless. The world may pressure you to conform to certain standards but you are you. Each and every individual is unique and like no other. There is only one you. Feel special. You are beautiful, no matter what they say.
My self worth is the most important thing to me.... without it my world will come crashing down. And nothing should take my self-worth and self-esteem away. I have regained it through the years, and nothing should take me away from it.
But you my fren, you are priced beyond what you can imagine. You are more important than how he thinks you are.
You are a woman. And you care for your family in a way a man usually does not. Without you, there will be a missing part in your family portrait.
You may not be his cup of tea. You may not be his kind of porridge. But... is he your standard whereby you measure your self worth? Does it mean that anybody else who is not his cup of tea is unworthy? No.. definitely not.
She may be prettier in his eyes, she may be more capable, more "feminine" more... this and that... but she is after all human, and humans are imperfect. All fall short of the glory of God. You have your strengths and weaknesses, so does she.
In his eyes, your worth and your standards are overlooked, under-estimated. But in His eyes, you are so valued, so loved... even the price of death that He paid on the cross is worth for you. In your loved ones' eyes, how does life go on without your presence? Without your care? In your friends eyes, in my eyes, life in school, life outside will different and less interesting without your presence. Be inspired. And go out to inspire.
With or without him, life is full and vibrant. There are so many things we can do out there. So many hidden potentials in us, so many things to discover. And that can only be done when you believe in yourself. When you have this confidence that you can make it. Never, never look down on yourself. Yes, you may feel inadequate sometimes because humans are imperfect and we all make mistakes. But tell yourself you can correct it and move on. Don't stop there.
You did not come to this world to be a loser. You do not live everyday feeling unaccepted and worthless. The world may pressure you to conform to certain standards but you are you. Each and every individual is unique and like no other. There is only one you. Feel special. You are beautiful, no matter what they say.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Friends for life
Its freakin 5am in the morning now. Why am I not sleeping? Is it because I'm troubled to the point of losing sleep? Naaaah.... I just came home. (Naughty Amy!!!) I attended my primary school friends birthday party last night at Pasir Ris. And after that, at midnight... we went to cineleisure to find someplace to sing karaoke. K Box really charge high... $29 per head.. goodness. So we headed down to party world near HMV. Eww I hate the decor in that place... makes me feel like I'm in some sleazy bar... and the smell of the cigarette smoke is still in my hair. I met Timothy Lim at K-box at 12.30 am. And the moment we saw each other we had the same reaction:" What are you doing here you naughty boy/girl???!?!" Bahahaah... and he just walked away without telling me why he was there as well... I sang with them till 4am.. and my dad dropped a warning message for me to get home.. before I got scared and fled for home.
Boyfriends and topics to cover for socialisation...
Sighhhh.... this is the age when everyone will ask you:"Got boyfriend or not huh?" If I say no, they will say"dun bluff!". -_-''' Bluff you for what.... Even my mother thinks I'm attached and hiding from her. Sigh... what is there to hide.... so old already still must hide from her meh... And the worst thing I fear when people ask me: "Got boyfriend before?" And when I say "Dun have" They freak out. It seems like something unnatural not to be attached even once at this age. Sounds like I have cobweb growing around me. Either that or I'm gay. Haha..
And I just realised that people really diversify into different walks of life, as we grow older... One of my classmates is already married and becoming a father (?!?!) Some of them are already working, and some like me are studying, some drive cars, some are career minded, some are relationship minded... some are english speaking ( yours truly) and some are chinese speaking... But we are all closely bonded as a class, and even more so as we invite each other to our 21st birthday parties. and the best thing about hangin out with each other, we live very very nearby. Opposite blocks in fact. So convenient to go home :) Primary school friends rox!!! We known each other for 10 years!!! Woo hoo
Boyfriends and topics to cover for socialisation...
Sighhhh.... this is the age when everyone will ask you:"Got boyfriend or not huh?" If I say no, they will say"dun bluff!". -_-''' Bluff you for what.... Even my mother thinks I'm attached and hiding from her. Sigh... what is there to hide.... so old already still must hide from her meh... And the worst thing I fear when people ask me: "Got boyfriend before?" And when I say "Dun have" They freak out. It seems like something unnatural not to be attached even once at this age. Sounds like I have cobweb growing around me. Either that or I'm gay. Haha..
And I just realised that people really diversify into different walks of life, as we grow older... One of my classmates is already married and becoming a father (?!?!) Some of them are already working, and some like me are studying, some drive cars, some are career minded, some are relationship minded... some are english speaking ( yours truly) and some are chinese speaking... But we are all closely bonded as a class, and even more so as we invite each other to our 21st birthday parties. and the best thing about hangin out with each other, we live very very nearby. Opposite blocks in fact. So convenient to go home :) Primary school friends rox!!! We known each other for 10 years!!! Woo hoo
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
School
So school has started. And the library is flooded with competitive muggers trying all their might to study hard. tsk tsk tsk....
Why.... why you people are so competitive... can u make life easier for me????? Dun be so competitive! Go! go home or go out and slack! Shoo! And leave the library to me aloneeeee!!!!! Muahahahhahhaahhaa.....
Why.... why you people are so competitive... can u make life easier for me????? Dun be so competitive! Go! go home or go out and slack! Shoo! And leave the library to me aloneeeee!!!!! Muahahahhahhaahhaa.....
Sunday, August 13, 2006
This is the last time you will see me posting regularly. School starts tomorrow. A lot of hopes. A lot of expectations. Makes me feel like I want to organize my life again.
Reflections on the never-ending 3 month long holiday.... many things I have learnt and encountered.
-Physically fitter and more confident after the crazy race in June.
- Did many things like roller blading and night cycling
- Finally learnt how to play the guitar properly
- Upgraded my blog
Most importantly everyweek I had fun-filled time with my friends... :)
But I often question myself, how am I doing on the inside? Am I happier? Am I growing? Do I become a more complexed person? Or am I walking with God smoothly?
If I say everything is fine and I'm walking with God smoothly I will be lying. Cos I'm not that perfect. Sometimes I think my thoughts and emotions are so deep and dark. But I hide them pretty well. That people see me as nothing but a goofy forgetful girl. I would love to be this nice crazy goofy girl as well. But the sad fact about humans and their emotions is that we all have a dark side. Sometimes I question my intentions for doing anything. Is it to glorify myself? Is it to make me look better than others? And many many times I find that life is a struggle. I struggle to conform to my identity. And what is my identity? An identity in Christ. A good, wholesome image. But I can never reach that level. I still bitch, I still swear, I gossip... I see people with filtered lenses. But I guess... if I said I have reached that level to become a good role model for all I would be a hypocrite.
There are so many things I'm hiding... God sees even the things I do not want Him to see.... until sometimes I dunno how many things I'm hiding from myself and from others. It is hard to be true and pure to oneself. I struggle against that. It is hard not to live a life of double standards. Sometimes I feel very burdened by all the roles and responsibilites I have as a person in life... sometimes expectations of what I am supposed to be clashes because one cannot serve two masters. If you are lost in what I'm saying just ignore me. I'm ranting away.
Emotionally I ask myself if I have been healed of all my hurts. Strangely, I feel distant from my past. Whoever mattered to me so much in the past didn't matter too much anymore. The death of some one beloved seem passe. Like just a part and parcel of life. They say time heals. I say time makes you forget, numb. But it was only through this way to let go and let my new life in Christ infiltrate me, that I can be relieved of my heartaches. Numbness.. death to an old self. But no doubt, after every ordeal people emerged stronger. Sometimes people say I'm strong. Probably thats where it came from. Where in your darkest moments you feel like there is no one person that can help, where in a hopeless situation you still force yourself to see a ray of hope shining through to keep you going, add emptiness to this... crying alone deep in the night to fill the emptiness and longing for the someone you know is dying.... When you can get through this with God, how wretched can other things in life seem? So dun mock me for being a holy cow. Dun think I'm dumbly being too pious. Not many have been through what I've been through. Try how is it like to grieve only behind closed doors. During funerals friends come to give the bereaved support. The death of the person I loved so much, nobody knew what was I feeling. I grieved alone, at night behind closed doors. It left a huge scar in my life. God is healing that scar. Yay.
So, no matter how much the struggles, I know I will pull through. :) You cannot pour new wine into old wineskin; it will burst, you need new wine in new wineskin, so that the good new wine can be contained. Through my struggles, my life will be different and renewed. For the new life and spirit. :)
Reflections on the never-ending 3 month long holiday.... many things I have learnt and encountered.
-Physically fitter and more confident after the crazy race in June.
- Did many things like roller blading and night cycling
- Finally learnt how to play the guitar properly
- Upgraded my blog
Most importantly everyweek I had fun-filled time with my friends... :)
But I often question myself, how am I doing on the inside? Am I happier? Am I growing? Do I become a more complexed person? Or am I walking with God smoothly?
If I say everything is fine and I'm walking with God smoothly I will be lying. Cos I'm not that perfect. Sometimes I think my thoughts and emotions are so deep and dark. But I hide them pretty well. That people see me as nothing but a goofy forgetful girl. I would love to be this nice crazy goofy girl as well. But the sad fact about humans and their emotions is that we all have a dark side. Sometimes I question my intentions for doing anything. Is it to glorify myself? Is it to make me look better than others? And many many times I find that life is a struggle. I struggle to conform to my identity. And what is my identity? An identity in Christ. A good, wholesome image. But I can never reach that level. I still bitch, I still swear, I gossip... I see people with filtered lenses. But I guess... if I said I have reached that level to become a good role model for all I would be a hypocrite.
There are so many things I'm hiding... God sees even the things I do not want Him to see.... until sometimes I dunno how many things I'm hiding from myself and from others. It is hard to be true and pure to oneself. I struggle against that. It is hard not to live a life of double standards. Sometimes I feel very burdened by all the roles and responsibilites I have as a person in life... sometimes expectations of what I am supposed to be clashes because one cannot serve two masters. If you are lost in what I'm saying just ignore me. I'm ranting away.
Emotionally I ask myself if I have been healed of all my hurts. Strangely, I feel distant from my past. Whoever mattered to me so much in the past didn't matter too much anymore. The death of some one beloved seem passe. Like just a part and parcel of life. They say time heals. I say time makes you forget, numb. But it was only through this way to let go and let my new life in Christ infiltrate me, that I can be relieved of my heartaches. Numbness.. death to an old self. But no doubt, after every ordeal people emerged stronger. Sometimes people say I'm strong. Probably thats where it came from. Where in your darkest moments you feel like there is no one person that can help, where in a hopeless situation you still force yourself to see a ray of hope shining through to keep you going, add emptiness to this... crying alone deep in the night to fill the emptiness and longing for the someone you know is dying.... When you can get through this with God, how wretched can other things in life seem? So dun mock me for being a holy cow. Dun think I'm dumbly being too pious. Not many have been through what I've been through. Try how is it like to grieve only behind closed doors. During funerals friends come to give the bereaved support. The death of the person I loved so much, nobody knew what was I feeling. I grieved alone, at night behind closed doors. It left a huge scar in my life. God is healing that scar. Yay.
So, no matter how much the struggles, I know I will pull through. :) You cannot pour new wine into old wineskin; it will burst, you need new wine in new wineskin, so that the good new wine can be contained. Through my struggles, my life will be different and renewed. For the new life and spirit. :)
Friday, August 11, 2006
Fireworks Festival!!!!!
Cool.. I went down too Marina Bay to catch the fireworks festival with my dad.... Aiyo... it was such a last minute thing... and I wore shirt, shorts and slippers to the Esplanade area... My image all throw away liao.. felt I was underdressed. But anyway.. the highlight of the outing wasn't me la.. it was the *worth all the squeezing and squashing* free of charge for all to view fireworks. Spectacular. Nevermind that I have seen fireworks my whole life (Fireworks can be seen at my house from a distance). Watching fireworks that explodes just before my eyes is a totally whole new experience. Beautiful. I took a video of the last 2 minutes of the magnificent grandeur of exploding these things up into the sky....
Thursday, August 10, 2006
The stupid bureaucratic system
Imagine you are in a game.... and the inventors of the game decided to make things more interesting. You are given an amount of money. In fact you have 2 accounts. One account for the main/ major items you want to gamble for and the other account for the miscellaneous. To further assist you, you have been given top privelige for your main account and thus you just need to spend a neligible amount of money to get your main item.
But for your second account... ahh.. interesting. Its a black market out there. People are throwing in all they have. Some sickos have shrewdly accumulated all their savings and throw in all they have to get what they want. Some cunningly play games with the people. They drop the bomb at the last minute. And... the inventors of this game has decided to be sadists and have a period of time where no one can see how many points who threw in for the item you want. So cunning. Its carnivorous. Man-eat-man situation. And as players... you can only sit and wait in anticipation for the results. If unsucessful, you have to wait for the next round...
What is the most horrifying thing about this is... this stupid game actually exists and its playing on my hopes of getting a good education. Here I am in NUS pining all my hopes of studying for my last lap in my school life hoping to get a good career start in future and they are doing this to me!!!!!! They do such dumbass things to people bent on getting a good semester and thus a good education in NUS. I got outbidded for 2 modules I intended to take. I have to pick up whatever thats available in the next round tomorrow. Whatever modules.... even if I'm not keen on it...
I hope you all will hate the administrative system after reading this. Even better... start a riot for me and overthrow the main office. Bahahahhhaa.
But for your second account... ahh.. interesting. Its a black market out there. People are throwing in all they have. Some sickos have shrewdly accumulated all their savings and throw in all they have to get what they want. Some cunningly play games with the people. They drop the bomb at the last minute. And... the inventors of this game has decided to be sadists and have a period of time where no one can see how many points who threw in for the item you want. So cunning. Its carnivorous. Man-eat-man situation. And as players... you can only sit and wait in anticipation for the results. If unsucessful, you have to wait for the next round...
What is the most horrifying thing about this is... this stupid game actually exists and its playing on my hopes of getting a good education. Here I am in NUS pining all my hopes of studying for my last lap in my school life hoping to get a good career start in future and they are doing this to me!!!!!! They do such dumbass things to people bent on getting a good semester and thus a good education in NUS. I got outbidded for 2 modules I intended to take. I have to pick up whatever thats available in the next round tomorrow. Whatever modules.... even if I'm not keen on it...
I hope you all will hate the administrative system after reading this. Even better... start a riot for me and overthrow the main office. Bahahahhhaa.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Sentosa Outing
Went to Sentosa last friday with the Tuffers.... and its actually my first time going to Sentosa to play and relax on the beach (yea I know it sounds sua-ku), most of the time I go there either for biathlon or for some Odac event....
I arrived later than the rest... and I found some of them fooling around in the sea water when I got there... couldn't resist: quickly changed and jumped intothe sea water... really spent a day slacking there... then we built sand castles, played frisbee rolled around the sand.. ate lunch... lazy daisy. And I realised I'm not the kind who can go Sentosa and sit there and act pretty. I mean I tried... I had lots of accessories on me, dangly earrings, necklace, flower rubberband.. but I took everything off in the end just to swim and play it the water. Looks like having fun and looking nice don't go. Hahaha.... I'll stick with the fun part.
This looks like some Dove advertisement... or some showering ad..
Posing... and me itchy hand itchy legs
Ahh... nicer pose here
Hans the potential grave/ portable toilet digger
Burying Matte alive...
Lunch time... slurping my slurpee
Seriously the ugliest peacocks live on Sentosa island... where are their feathers? Maybe plucked away by people to beautify their swimsuit..
I arrived later than the rest... and I found some of them fooling around in the sea water when I got there... couldn't resist: quickly changed and jumped intothe sea water... really spent a day slacking there... then we built sand castles, played frisbee rolled around the sand.. ate lunch... lazy daisy. And I realised I'm not the kind who can go Sentosa and sit there and act pretty. I mean I tried... I had lots of accessories on me, dangly earrings, necklace, flower rubberband.. but I took everything off in the end just to swim and play it the water. Looks like having fun and looking nice don't go. Hahaha.... I'll stick with the fun part.
This looks like some Dove advertisement... or some showering ad..
Posing... and me itchy hand itchy legs
Ahh... nicer pose hereHans the potential grave/ portable toilet digger
Burying Matte alive...
Lunch time... slurping my slurpee
Seriously the ugliest peacocks live on Sentosa island... where are their feathers? Maybe plucked away by people to beautify their swimsuit..
Friday, August 04, 2006
Night Cycling...
Last week, I went on a night cycling trip with some of my friends. It was a cool trip. Had to say that my cycling skills improved by a few notches after the trip.
Deep into the night, the cars are few and the road is yours. The bike is humming with the high speed and the gears are engaged. Every contraction of the thigh muscles causes the bike to shoot in distance. The night breeze flapping against my face. (Actually also exhaust fumes errgh) All my sleepiness and tiredness are cast away as I concentrate on the road....
Changi AirPort...
Outside Charis my church, on the way to Geylang for YouTiao King
So sad tyre punctured.
Waiting for repair at Esso
The small thing that caused the big problem...
Stoning at 4am in the morning...
Rescue bike plan failed... :(
knocked out at east coast jetty
Until sunrise....
Me and Ken Jia... I just woke up..
Rise and shine and back to return the bikes!
Deep into the night, the cars are few and the road is yours. The bike is humming with the high speed and the gears are engaged. Every contraction of the thigh muscles causes the bike to shoot in distance. The night breeze flapping against my face. (Actually also exhaust fumes errgh) All my sleepiness and tiredness are cast away as I concentrate on the road....
Changi AirPort...
Outside Charis my church, on the way to Geylang for YouTiao King
So sad tyre punctured.
Waiting for repair at Esso
The small thing that caused the big problem...
Stoning at 4am in the morning...
Rescue bike plan failed... :(
knocked out at east coast jetty
Until sunrise....
Me and Ken Jia... I just woke up..
Rise and shine and back to return the bikes!
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