Of all the things, being able to love and forgive is the most powerful and liberating.
I concede that love for people surpasses bitterness and unforgiveness so much more. It was because God first so loved me that I was able to love others. And I will never forget that. All my bitterness melted away, because God had first loved me.
"Cause I know, I'm no longer bound
Its in You, that I have found
Peace of mind, freedom from my sin
And the power to love and forgive"
Saturday, August 02, 2008
All Slips Away Like Sand....
I feel totally naked in my solitude.... this feeling... seems so cold. All the things that goes on around me... the chitter-chattering, the buzz, the laughters, the gatherings-
becomes something around me but not with me
I belong to another world.
The memories I had- great ones- of laughter, of warmth, of friendship I held on so dearly to- all slipped away like sand through my fingers.
The dearest memories I had years ago, now seems like a flop. All of a sudden I felt so alone. Feeling like the world judges me.
The world goes on around me, but not with me. I feel like ash, dispersing with the wind... breaking into little particles no one can see.
I had chosen solitude, but it backfired. What can tiny particles of ash do? They scream and shout with their might in distress... but they are soo tiny no one notices. No one sees.
I chose solitude and it backfired on me.
I feel totally naked in my solitude.... this feeling... seems so cold. All the things that goes on around me... the chitter-chattering, the buzz, the laughters, the gatherings-
becomes something around me but not with me
I belong to another world.
The memories I had- great ones- of laughter, of warmth, of friendship I held on so dearly to- all slipped away like sand through my fingers.
The dearest memories I had years ago, now seems like a flop. All of a sudden I felt so alone. Feeling like the world judges me.
The world goes on around me, but not with me. I feel like ash, dispersing with the wind... breaking into little particles no one can see.
I had chosen solitude, but it backfired. What can tiny particles of ash do? They scream and shout with their might in distress... but they are soo tiny no one notices. No one sees.
I chose solitude and it backfired on me.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Family outing at the Singapore Flyer with the NDP Rehearsal!!!
Family outing at the Singapore Flyer with the NDP Rehearsal!!!
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Why I cook....
Cooking is my favorite hobby, as all of you guys know and eagerly await my gastronomic creations...
But ever wonder why and what makes me the ever curious and enthusiastic chef that I am?
I would say 5% is to win a man by his stomach. Rich man who can give me a huge kitchen. Haa
But the remaining 95%, I would say, is achieved when I transform cooking into an art.
A piece of art, is when you have put in effort, creativity and your spirit into creating something.
Art, at its best, is when you are able to go beyond, transcend your current state of feelings, pains, difficulties, happiness, joy etc, and channel all these energies to create something out of it.
In the process of cooking, I transform all my incompetencies, all my regrets, all my insecurites into positive things, through the process of the intricate creation of the food that I make. A process of cultivation and detachment, a symbolisation of the riddance and placing aside of my self.
Sometimes I cook to forget myself, my time and my environment. Its just me and my food, its just me channeling my whole being into ensuring that the taste and the quality of the food I create is perfect.
Thats why they say cooking is therapeutic.
Cooking is my favorite hobby, as all of you guys know and eagerly await my gastronomic creations...
But ever wonder why and what makes me the ever curious and enthusiastic chef that I am?
I would say 5% is to win a man by his stomach. Rich man who can give me a huge kitchen. Haa
But the remaining 95%, I would say, is achieved when I transform cooking into an art.
A piece of art, is when you have put in effort, creativity and your spirit into creating something.
Art, at its best, is when you are able to go beyond, transcend your current state of feelings, pains, difficulties, happiness, joy etc, and channel all these energies to create something out of it.
In the process of cooking, I transform all my incompetencies, all my regrets, all my insecurites into positive things, through the process of the intricate creation of the food that I make. A process of cultivation and detachment, a symbolisation of the riddance and placing aside of my self.
Sometimes I cook to forget myself, my time and my environment. Its just me and my food, its just me channeling my whole being into ensuring that the taste and the quality of the food I create is perfect.
Thats why they say cooking is therapeutic.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Hi all... Have not been posting for sooo long. My blog is as good as dead.
Well, since my di di Caleb was astonished at the photo of my 3 years back, thought I would share the horrors with all of you guys so that u cannot sleep.
So this is me 3 years ago:
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Lord of All
A re-iteration of the nature of God in the heart of nature....
Lord of all lords
Lord of All
Lord of comfort, in a warm cave admist a blizzard
Lord of beauty, in the invention of spring
Lord of love, in Your love for man
Lord of sweetness, in Your craft of flowers and squirrels
Lord of magnificence, in the formation of grand towering mountains
Lord of fear, in the storms and thunder that claps
Lord of discipline, through years of weathering that formed the desert rose,
Lord of wrath, in the volcanoes that explode
Lord of All, for in Your Spirit heaven and earth is created,
Lord of Judgement, for You are Lord, and the only worthy One to judge.
A re-iteration of the nature of God in the heart of nature....
Lord of all lords
Lord of All
Lord of comfort, in a warm cave admist a blizzard
Lord of beauty, in the invention of spring
Lord of love, in Your love for man
Lord of sweetness, in Your craft of flowers and squirrels
Lord of magnificence, in the formation of grand towering mountains
Lord of fear, in the storms and thunder that claps
Lord of discipline, through years of weathering that formed the desert rose,
Lord of wrath, in the volcanoes that explode
Lord of All, for in Your Spirit heaven and earth is created,
Lord of Judgement, for You are Lord, and the only worthy One to judge.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Hi guys!
I'm back! Sorry the Thailand pictures have to wait, I am fighting with time every day nowadays.
The past few weeks have been cool. There are a million things forming up in the nebula of my mind.
Thought I would share some pennies of my thoughts.
Re-defining myself
I have, reached a premature mid-life crisis. At the new phase of my life, I have been trying to make sense of my identity- as a female. (woman sounds still too virtuous for my age)
And increasingly inspired by others, a woman of substance.
I contemplated a reason for our creation. I wrote a poem.
Woman of God
Gentle and faithful
Tender and loving
Out of Adam's ribs we were formed
What is it, the nature of women
That though we are creatures meek and docile,
but yet even the greatest nations on earth
can come tumbling at our feet. (think of Troy)
When God formed the world,
He formed the valiant and the strong,
Like the mountains and the oceans.
But deep in His heart,
Was a place for love, tenderness, and beauty
That which He created in the image of Himself,
The woman.
The nuture of a mother
The kiss of a wife,
The smile of a lady
Can make the great things of the world
Seem so small,
Like nothing at all
Yes, women
God's precious sweet flowers
How treasured are we.
Behold how we were made to be loved!
Such faithful beings,
in the Lord's creation.
The wonders of women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason for penning down such thoughts was the result of my reflection in relationships that I pondered, relationships of my friends, the nature of role-playing.
This is the age where we all mature and ripen like fruits. We become of age to take on the next phase of life. I pondered on my existence. Many women do not find themselves beautiful or worthy. If they are single, they might think they are not beautiful enough, or too uncouth to attract a man's heart. If they are attached, they thrive on the affirmation that their spouse gives. If they break up, they feel unloved and unworthy. Well, at least for myself, I do feel it this way sometimes.
But beauty comes not from men's praises. It stems forth from knowing that we are complete in Christ, when we walk in the right way and we do things that uphold our integrity. Because then at the end of the day, I can proudly say, I have lived meaningfully. Beauty, is in the warmth of a smile, in the twinkling of happy eyes. Most of all, beauty is natural. Satisfaction and gladness is best when stemmed from within.
Why do I dress up for? Who do I dress up for? What impression I give from my appearance? These questions I constantly ask myself. Alas, we have to know that women are shrewd creatures too, who tempted Adam, and many other kings.
Woman, though you are defeated and humilated, walk in humility. Dress not to spite or to offend.
Dress pleasingly. =)
Hope this blesses your day.
I'm back! Sorry the Thailand pictures have to wait, I am fighting with time every day nowadays.
The past few weeks have been cool. There are a million things forming up in the nebula of my mind.
Thought I would share some pennies of my thoughts.
Re-defining myself
I have, reached a premature mid-life crisis. At the new phase of my life, I have been trying to make sense of my identity- as a female. (woman sounds still too virtuous for my age)
And increasingly inspired by others, a woman of substance.
I contemplated a reason for our creation. I wrote a poem.
Woman of God
Gentle and faithful
Tender and loving
Out of Adam's ribs we were formed
What is it, the nature of women
That though we are creatures meek and docile,
but yet even the greatest nations on earth
can come tumbling at our feet. (think of Troy)
When God formed the world,
He formed the valiant and the strong,
Like the mountains and the oceans.
But deep in His heart,
Was a place for love, tenderness, and beauty
That which He created in the image of Himself,
The woman.
The nuture of a mother
The kiss of a wife,
The smile of a lady
Can make the great things of the world
Seem so small,
Like nothing at all
Yes, women
God's precious sweet flowers
How treasured are we.
Behold how we were made to be loved!
Such faithful beings,
in the Lord's creation.
The wonders of women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The reason for penning down such thoughts was the result of my reflection in relationships that I pondered, relationships of my friends, the nature of role-playing.
This is the age where we all mature and ripen like fruits. We become of age to take on the next phase of life. I pondered on my existence. Many women do not find themselves beautiful or worthy. If they are single, they might think they are not beautiful enough, or too uncouth to attract a man's heart. If they are attached, they thrive on the affirmation that their spouse gives. If they break up, they feel unloved and unworthy. Well, at least for myself, I do feel it this way sometimes.
But beauty comes not from men's praises. It stems forth from knowing that we are complete in Christ, when we walk in the right way and we do things that uphold our integrity. Because then at the end of the day, I can proudly say, I have lived meaningfully. Beauty, is in the warmth of a smile, in the twinkling of happy eyes. Most of all, beauty is natural. Satisfaction and gladness is best when stemmed from within.
Why do I dress up for? Who do I dress up for? What impression I give from my appearance? These questions I constantly ask myself. Alas, we have to know that women are shrewd creatures too, who tempted Adam, and many other kings.
Woman, though you are defeated and humilated, walk in humility. Dress not to spite or to offend.
Dress pleasingly. =)
Hope this blesses your day.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
The knot from within....
There is a knot within me;
I can't seem to describe it.
I try to cry but I can't cry,
I try to be cheery but am burdened;
I don't know what is this.
There is a new strength growing from within,
hardened and weathered
But yet the past seems too tightly wound around my heart,
for the new to grow.
Is this what they mean by
"And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins." Luke 5:37-38
There is a knot within me;
I can't seem to describe it.
I try to cry but I can't cry,
I try to be cheery but am burdened;
I don't know what is this.
There is a new strength growing from within,
hardened and weathered
But yet the past seems too tightly wound around my heart,
for the new to grow.
Is this what they mean by
"And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins." Luke 5:37-38
Sunday, April 27, 2008
My Origins!!!
This is so cool man... I was on the bus today, reflecting about my roots and my ancestors. I wanted to have a rough idea of where I came from.
For those who don't know: I'm teochew, and my surname is Pan. (Phua in dialect). My ancestors came from Swatow area, which means that if they did not migrate to Singapore, I would be a southern Chinese today. (Can't picture that.... :P)
My first search tells me that I'm a min chinese. The dialect I speak is min-nan, a derivation of chinese language. Okay, so this goes to show that my ethnicity is of Han chinese. It seems that I already know all these. But no, I was not happy to just know this. I want to know my origins waaaaaaaayyyyyy back in time, almost to the begining of civilisation. I combed the internet for this and here is what I got.
The origins of the Teochews.
The ancestors of the teochews are "generally believed to have moved from Central China to present day Chaosan (near Swatow) during civil wars in the Jin dynasty." The Jin dynasty is dated from AD 265-420.
Then I went to search for my surname Pan. This is what I found:
The surname Pan descended from Zhuan Xu (Gao Yang Shi) dated 2513-2435 B.C who is the grandson of Huang Di and son of Chang Yi in the Five Kingdom (Wu Di) period (2,697 - 2,205 B.C.) And............
Huang Di was the descendant of Fu Xi and Nu Huo, who were said to be the origins of mankind in the San Huang Wu Di era, the very very beginings of Chinese history.
Origins of mankind...isn't that Adam and Eve? And interestingly, this is what it says of Fuxi and NuHuo/ Nuwa:
"The common ancestors of the Chinese race are often regarded as Fu Xi and Nu Huo. According to the legend, they were brother and sister (children of God), but also husband and wife. It puzzled historians why Fu Xi and Nu Huo were often depicted as having human upper body, but with the lower body of a serpent. In light of the Bible's teaching, it's likely that Fu Xi and Nu Huo were Adam and Eve, and that the serpent bodies depict their fallen state as they were deceived by Satan (the serpent)" Website: http://www.yutopian.com/names/nametree.html
Picture of Fuxi and Nuwa taken from: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4d/NuWa_Fuxi_CMyth.jpg
For those of you who don't know the timeline of the Chinese history:
This is taken from wikipeida:
ANCIENT HISTORY
3 Sovereigns and 5 Emperors (origins of Fuxi and NuWa, the begining of civilisation, and Zhuan Yu my greatest ancestor, the grandson of Huangdi, the son of Fuxi)
Xia Dynasty 2100–1600 BC
Shang Dynasty 1600–1046 BC
Zhou Dynasty 1122–256 BC
Western Zhou
Eastern Zhou
Spring and Autumn Period
Warring States Period
IMPERIAL HISTORY
Qin Dynasty 221 BC–206 BC
Han Dynasty 206 BC–220 AD
Western Han
Xin Dynasty
Eastern Han
Three Kingdoms 220–280
Wei, Shu & Wu
Jin Dynasty 265–420 (where the Teochews moved from central China to Chaosan (Swatow area)
Western Jin
Eastern Jin
16 Kingdoms304–439
Southern & Northern Dynasties 420–589
Sui Dynasty 581–619
Tang Dynasty 618–907
( Second Zhou 690–705 )
5 Dynasties &10 Kingdoms907–960
Liao Dynasty907–1125
Song Dynasty960–1279
Northern Song
W. Xia Dyn.
Southern Song
Jin Dyn.
Yuan Dynasty 1271–1368
Ming Dynasty 1368–1644
Qing Dynasty 1644–1911
MODERN History
Republic of China 1912–1949
People's Republicof China 1949–present
1949-1976 1976-1989 1989-2002 2002-present (I'm a result of Chinese diaspora!!!!) Me!me! me!
Republic of China(on Taiwan)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In addition, I did a biblical search and found that the roots of chinese culture and language are actually similar to many biblical origins: the language itself:
Check this website: http://www.windmillministries.org/frames/CH12A.htm
Just to give one example, the word yuan. Yuan means the begining. And the begining of mankind started with 2 people, or rather, in the above word, "child". Two creations of God. =)
Pei Qi must be very interested in this yea?? :)
So, after a night of internet search, I have found my origins to human kind- A descendant of Adam and Eve, and a (possible) descendant of the sumerians (Middle-Eastern origins). *Gasp* I wonder what happened to my deep-set eyes and very strong features. All I have now is chinky eyes, and a flat nose bridge!!!
Of course, this is not to say that all the websites I found are politically accurate. Please do not take this as the absolute information.
So what about you guys? Go find your roots and see your origins beyond just this century!!!!
This is so cool man... I was on the bus today, reflecting about my roots and my ancestors. I wanted to have a rough idea of where I came from.
For those who don't know: I'm teochew, and my surname is Pan. (Phua in dialect). My ancestors came from Swatow area, which means that if they did not migrate to Singapore, I would be a southern Chinese today. (Can't picture that.... :P)
My first search tells me that I'm a min chinese. The dialect I speak is min-nan, a derivation of chinese language. Okay, so this goes to show that my ethnicity is of Han chinese. It seems that I already know all these. But no, I was not happy to just know this. I want to know my origins waaaaaaaayyyyyy back in time, almost to the begining of civilisation. I combed the internet for this and here is what I got.
The origins of the Teochews.
The ancestors of the teochews are "generally believed to have moved from Central China to present day Chaosan (near Swatow) during civil wars in the Jin dynasty." The Jin dynasty is dated from AD 265-420.
Then I went to search for my surname Pan. This is what I found:
The surname Pan descended from Zhuan Xu (Gao Yang Shi) dated 2513-2435 B.C who is the grandson of Huang Di and son of Chang Yi in the Five Kingdom (Wu Di) period (2,697 - 2,205 B.C.) And............
Huang Di was the descendant of Fu Xi and Nu Huo, who were said to be the origins of mankind in the San Huang Wu Di era, the very very beginings of Chinese history.
Origins of mankind...isn't that Adam and Eve? And interestingly, this is what it says of Fuxi and NuHuo/ Nuwa:
"The common ancestors of the Chinese race are often regarded as Fu Xi and Nu Huo. According to the legend, they were brother and sister (children of God), but also husband and wife. It puzzled historians why Fu Xi and Nu Huo were often depicted as having human upper body, but with the lower body of a serpent. In light of the Bible's teaching, it's likely that Fu Xi and Nu Huo were Adam and Eve, and that the serpent bodies depict their fallen state as they were deceived by Satan (the serpent)" Website: http://www.yutopian.com/names/nametree.html
Picture of Fuxi and Nuwa taken from: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4d/NuWa_Fuxi_CMyth.jpg
For those of you who don't know the timeline of the Chinese history:
This is taken from wikipeida:
ANCIENT HISTORY
3 Sovereigns and 5 Emperors (origins of Fuxi and NuWa, the begining of civilisation, and Zhuan Yu my greatest ancestor, the grandson of Huangdi, the son of Fuxi)
Xia Dynasty 2100–1600 BC
Shang Dynasty 1600–1046 BC
Zhou Dynasty 1122–256 BC
Western Zhou
Eastern Zhou
Spring and Autumn Period
Warring States Period
IMPERIAL HISTORY
Qin Dynasty 221 BC–206 BC
Han Dynasty 206 BC–220 AD
Western Han
Xin Dynasty
Eastern Han
Three Kingdoms 220–280
Wei, Shu & Wu
Jin Dynasty 265–420 (where the Teochews moved from central China to Chaosan (Swatow area)
Western Jin
Eastern Jin
16 Kingdoms304–439
Southern & Northern Dynasties 420–589
Sui Dynasty 581–619
Tang Dynasty 618–907
( Second Zhou 690–705 )
5 Dynasties &10 Kingdoms907–960
Liao Dynasty907–1125
Song Dynasty960–1279
Northern Song
W. Xia Dyn.
Southern Song
Jin Dyn.
Yuan Dynasty 1271–1368
Ming Dynasty 1368–1644
Qing Dynasty 1644–1911
MODERN History
Republic of China 1912–1949
People's Republicof China 1949–present
1949-1976 1976-1989 1989-2002 2002-present (I'm a result of Chinese diaspora!!!!) Me!me! me!
Republic of China(on Taiwan)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In addition, I did a biblical search and found that the roots of chinese culture and language are actually similar to many biblical origins: the language itself:
Check this website: http://www.windmillministries.org/frames/CH12A.htm
Just to give one example, the word yuan. Yuan means the begining. And the begining of mankind started with 2 people, or rather, in the above word, "child". Two creations of God. =)
Pei Qi must be very interested in this yea?? :)
So, after a night of internet search, I have found my origins to human kind- A descendant of Adam and Eve, and a (possible) descendant of the sumerians (Middle-Eastern origins). *Gasp* I wonder what happened to my deep-set eyes and very strong features. All I have now is chinky eyes, and a flat nose bridge!!!
Of course, this is not to say that all the websites I found are politically accurate. Please do not take this as the absolute information.
So what about you guys? Go find your roots and see your origins beyond just this century!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)