My exams are here. They start today and end on the 29th. I'm very happy that things are going very smoothly and peacefully for me. I have never had such a wonderful time preparing for exams before.
Like what I mentioned before, my preparation period for exams used to be plagued with too many thoughts that are striving for my attention. Thankfully, I am able to be clear-minded this time and really get rid of all my distractions. No more day dreams.
Life these days is just getting simpler and simpler for me. I feel like I'm regaining a new found innocence, child-like yet not naive. I am starting to learn how to let go of things, let go of burdens and let go of my past. I used to be very troubled by past mistakes. I would recall all bad mistakes I made, all bad choices I took, and dwell in them. A voice in me would then tell me I am detestable and stupid. And how I believed that voice. Reflecting back, there was even a period of time, I couldn't live with myself, I couldn't bear my own existence.
As my walk with God deepens, He over powers that voice, and He gently whispers to me saying:" You are worth more that what you think. You are my precious child and I love you." So slowly, bit by bit, I lifted my burden to Him, I lifted up my shame to Him. Even if I feel shameful of myself, my perceived under-achievements and my regrets in life, I no longer live in my past, because I have a new life in God. I will never despise myself again. I will never let my thoughts affect my well-being. My life is not my own. It is being taken care of, I feel like a child again in this sense. Thats why I proclaim Hallelujah.
My exams preparations now are done peacefully. No more monsters in my mind. Just God's presence, and the kind of peace that we can never comprehend, that He brings. Till the end of the exams, I will post again....
