Meaning in life

Today, I was faced twice with this question of the meaning of life; once in my social thought and theory lecture, and again on the bus chatting with a friend.

Interestingly, life is contradictory. The moment we are born, we start the process of dying. And yet at the same time, we cannot die without living. We live to die. So, we all must die one day. And what do we do in this process of dying? We, humans, as consicous, thinking animals, find a purpose in life. We ask: why are we here? What do WE want to do? Of course, in my course of sociology, I learnt that WE have no control of our lives. We live our lives to serve the society's needs, not ours. Thus, ALIENATION. We cannot get to do the things we wished to do. We struggle to work, all just to be paid to live. We get estranged from our human self to become machines/objects of the workforce to produce labor for society. We (most of us, workers) struggle to get a pay rise, we put in more hours to show loyalty just to get promoted, and in exchange we give up our individual self to society.

Then comes to the interesting question I encountered with my friend on the bus. She was asking my colleague, if he had all the time, all the money in the world (and thus need not work) what will he do? He didnt know!!!! "slack" He said. "live a day by a day merry-making. No plans, just pass each day."
That set me thinking. If I were him, would I feel the same way? That I exist for no particular reason! I am given this consciousness, given emotions just to pass each day and just die?!? Then I would think: WHY did I exist? That the universe created a thinking being with a soul... just to die? Or do I live to ensure the thriving of society? Everyone is born, works, reproduce and die, so that the next generation can continue the work that is done by the previous generation, so that society thrives. What is society? Is there a particular reason why society, although ensures our lives are in order, but also bring much suffering to us? As you know it, society has its ills. Crime, war, and deviance exist in all society. Why, for so many generations, society is still unable to bring us happiness? Why do many people feel meaningless in their lives despite the fact that they ensure society thrives?
I was thinking of an answer to this in theology, in my limited bible knowledge. God created man with emotions and consciousness so that he could think and feel, to reciprocate the love that God had for His creation. But, man's eyes (through eating the forbidden fruit) was opened good and evil, and thus both good and evil reigned in his body. Thus, the nature of man became dark. Anger, jealously, envy and all the vices was in man. It was these vices that caused disharmony among themselves. The Hobbeian theory stated that all man are nasty evil savages, who knew how to rationalise, so that by giving in to others they can get to benefit as well. That is the basis of the start of the social contract, as well as society. Society is a place where people give up their rights to the sovereign (be it government, or any forms of authority) in exchange for a comfortable life. Society definitely has its ills. That is because people cannot get what they need even though their rights has been surrendered to the sovereign and they react in such a way that harms others, because of the evilness in man. Thus to me society is actually a fallen world formed when we are separated from God and born with the darkness that entered the first man. Meaning in life for me thus cannot be found in the physical realm, but in the spiritual realm.

PS: Whatever that I written above, is solely my own opinion and I don't profess it to be the absolute truth. I understand there maybe many ways to look at this issue. But its my blog! And these are my thoughts!!

Master art...

a)




b)

What are the above pictures about?

a) looks like an orange? Pig? Balloon? Belly?

b) looks like.. some piece of shit? Colourful crap?

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a) indeed... is MY belly after feasting on rubbish goodies (Kueh Lapis has 18-30 egg yolks!) for 4 consecutive days of New year festivities

b) Is a piece of crap. Or a piece of shit. haha. Done by 3 lovely little rascals, who invaded my room, jumped on my bed, pinched my cheeks, threw my soft toys around, and invented some story line amazingly out of the piece of I-dunno-wad picture above. Gosh.. I can't imagine having children. Headaches, just half and hour with them and I am exhausted. I will be a desperate housewife if I have kids. super desperate.

CNY!

Its the first day of lunar new year, and I had a very packed visiting schedule. In between my schedules, I was trying to squeeze in time for some work to do. Just submitted my presentation to my project partner, at 3am in the morning. Deadline is monday 12 nn.
Well, new year, after some time, (like 20 years) gets a little routinized, and boring,if you don't really fit in. My whole family plays mahjong. Parents, uncles, aunties, and even cousins. Younger cousins. Except me and my sister. I was at my cousin's place just now, there were 3 mahjong sessions going on. The uncles, the aunties and the mini-mahjong set for the younger ones. (!?!) And, my dad just made a portable mahjong table out of wood planks 2 days ago. So that he can bring to my granduncle's place tomorrow and have more people playing mahjong!!!!!!
Its a mahjong family, mahjong generation mahjong madness....
My closer cousins who are my age... have stopped spending time with me to play mahjong! Or rather I would say, I have failed to conform to learn mahjong to 'fit in'.
Sigh... but that is just the way I am. I dislike playing games with people. I dislike competition. I dislike losing. I'm one of a kind... haha.
Hmm.. but I do have to say the TV programmes are good. I watched Anna and the King, and some Zhao Wei show on channel U. And I watched "I do I do" on vcd. Hilarious.
I used to get frustrated if I feel bored at people's houses. But now, I self-entertain. Its a sign of being older, more independent and being able to adapt. I had to wait till 2am before the mahjong people finish their game.
Visiting in recent years have been better cos I get to visit friend's places and travel on my own while making these trips. Its fun to observe what people wear on the first day of the New Year. And I also get to see more people in trains who do not celebrate Chinese New Year. Namely, the other races, and foreigners. And of course, it feels good to dress up and be seen in public. :)
Whoopee.... its almost 4am, still have visiting in the morning... and more mahjong after that.

Lariena's Smashing Bdae Party

I delayed putting up pictures of her birthday party for some time, time constraint, but here it is. A smashing 21st bdae party. The theme was black and white, only birthday girl special, wear green and gold. They booked a bungalow in Aloha Loyang, and they catered bbq food (had wait staff to bbq for us!!!) The decor in the bungalow was great! White table clothes with candles and dried flowers in the middle. In the hall, they had a DJ friend playing music and the hall later turned into a dance floor. (They played mostly Bhangra and tamil music though) Andme and Ken Jia were the only 2 chinese gals. Haha. BUT.... I dance Bhangra music ok! hahaha

Here are the pictures, they seem like its filled with pictures of me (the bdae gal too busy to take pictures with us), and of course, being gals we are narcissistic. Ha.














Ken Jia, Ryshelia and me. We are all JC classmates. Ryshelia is Lariena's cousin.




















Birthday girl Lariena. Doesn't she look stunning? Oh and the guy in the striped shirt is the DJ.

Me and Ken Jia. After the party. Nothing to do, so we took pictures. Don't I look like a freekin 1960's chinese teacher? For your info, I have perfect eyesight. Those are poser specs. Its the funky nerd look. And Ken Jia... she just looks good in anything. Good genes...Ken Jia if you are reading this... I mean it. I'm not trying to please you or whatsoever. I have no obligations to do that. :P

A dark mysterious behavior has re-surfaced in my life. I do not welcome it. Shoo!! This thing... this phenomenon that is battling to control my thoughts and actions is *evil*.
It blinds my ablility to rationalise, it makes me occupy all my time and attention on someone else, it makes me do things I never in my wildest imagination see myself doing it.... IT is a disease! I succumb to risk losing my pride, integrity and reputation(if I have any) as a strong, independent female when this dark thing is slowly controlling me.
I am distracted from my studies these days, and I am at high risk of thwarting friendships and facing awkwardness, in between flushings and sighs of forlorn. This is horrifying. I am not to be deterred from achieving my goals of character and academic development! I choose to reject it!!!
Away! You fleshly desires! Selfish, obsessive, and mentally draining. This is a disease, and I have caught it. I have been struck by the poisonous arrow, the arrow that strikes only one but not two.

Sometimes falling in _ _ _ _ is not such a good thing afterall. When not mutual, when at the wrong time, wrong place, given the wrong person, will not cushion your fall very well. You might end up falling on the cold hard floor, being knocked to your senses, and being sore all over. I dun want to be sore and knocked to my senses. I want to be clear of my senses, now and everyday. :(

How I wished God made me an angel. They have no gender. Sighhh.....

2nd week of school....

Torment... There is time for nothing.

CNY Cookie Drill

Chinese New Year is round the corner, very soon this year... and there is much to do. Under orders of AOM (Authority of Mother), I am hereby commissioned to bake New Year Goodies. Lotsa work, considering that school has started, but under the order, I am much obligated to throw in as much time.
Yesterday was a kickstart to the baking, I baked butter cookies. I don't know if its me (if you remember my entry on the Hulkess) or of the quality of the cookie presser is bad, but I broke the lever of the cookie presser. For half an hour I was in a foul mood and tried all other ways to shape the dough into the beautiful floral pattern(those with a cherry bit in the centre) , but to no avail. Finally I used back the cookie presser without a lever, meaning I had to push the dough out of the presser with my hands, which was hard work.
But it was a sucess, I have made 2 containers of butter biscuits. Today, I shall continue with almond cookies. Which, is an easier task, no cookie presser required. In time, AOM requested chocolate chip cookies and pineapple tarts to be made as well. Hmm... if I could get the recipes for kueh lapis and chocolate fudge cake, that will be perfect....
Hmm.. meanwhile, if you suck up to me and if I am satisfied, you can be rewarded with a container of biscuits. Muahahaha.
Butter Cookies... Hmm a bit sparse la.. the container... bcos some of them are eaten already..

Campus Life...

I'm loving campus life, now that term has started and me being in the second year, second semester. Consider myself as "lao jiang" old ginger... (was planning to use the word lao jiao... but.. I dun really wanna translate that into english... :P) I am familiar with most of the ways of the campus, and have formed more or less a stable form of community, either church or Sociology mates...
Things that I love doing in campus:
1) People watch. Very good looking people on campus. Guys and girls alike. And a couple of "angmohs" who look nothing like anyone else on this tropical island... @_@
2) Bazaar browse. Often they follow the trend of the undergrads in that period
3) Make use of the facilities they offer. Swimming pool, gym, YIH, study area.... We paid for all these man, use it!
4) Hang out with friends for lunch... We can sit at the canteen for hours talking and in my case drinking coffee....
5) Have the most peaceful time of my life when the holidays are over. The holidays for me are just filled with hectic schedules.. outing, shopping, events, blah blah blah.. no personal time for myself. Now that school reopens, I can have time for myself, in the library and other places.
6) Get a routine back into my life. In the holidays, I often wakeup in the morning not knowing what to do. Aimless.

Maybe some people will think I'm nuts to love campus. But really, it has a more interesting and fulfilling life than just plain going out aimlessly everyday, not knowing what to do everyday.

Kayak Day...

Today is kayak day. Went to kallang wif my fren Fish, and a few other new frens from the kayaking expedition I went for. We kayaked from Kallang pass the Sheares bridge to the start of East coast, and back. So fun.. it was raining and we bummed along choppy waters. While stopping at the 'gay beach' which was the start of east coast, I managed to observe some creatures in their natural swamp habitat. I saw tiny tiny little sea snails that glued themselves to the rocks on the beach, one hermit crab, and a few mudskippers. The guys wanted to catch the mudskipper into a disposable container left on the beach... but afterwards I realised it is not called mudskipper for nothing. It will surely jump out of the container laa.

I had fun pairing up wif Fish on the double kayak; we kept singing songs and saying funny stuff. We then beached up and went over to the Golden mile food centre to pig out. Me and Fish ate the most. Chicken rice and fruits and Ah-balling. One ball each. Den we bought goreng pisang. Pigs.

But I nearly din go for this trip. The finger on my skin tore off while I was climbing on thursday, exposing some raw flesh. When I bathed and my wound touched water, I nearly died... imagine salt water...
So to prepare myself today, in the morning I took some alcohol swabs and dabbed my finger. (to get used to the pain) Then I took cotton gauze and poured some antiseptic thing, and wrapped my finger to cushion it. Den I went to kayak. So it din hurt as bad as I thought. :)
Worth the pain worth the pain... :)

Cluzzle Madness

Oooh.. I'm increasingly begining to like Pitstop cafe, the people and their board games. I brought my girl guide friends there for dinner, and I think of all the places we had gatherings together thus far, Pitstop felt the most comfortable for me. Few people, comfy chairs, friendly staff, chucked away in a 3 storey high shophouse, away and above all the buzz going down below.
We sat there, had dinner, looked at photos (powerpoints for laptops available) from trips we went during the holidays, chatted, and played board games. I requested we played Cluzzle. Cluzzle= Clay + Puzzle. That means using claydough to form abstract sculptures of items on cards provided and we are supposed to guess them.
We played and laughed and laughed at our "abstract pieces" Some really looked lke shit. Haha. I love the game! Wished Nanny was there. Oh, let me introduce nanny. He is our uncle + nanny + supplier for rental of equipments during trekking trips + Joker. We knew him through activities in International Girl Guide Camp 02. Then we went Mount Kinabalu together. That was when he really took care of us, cos we gals were young that time, and new at trekking and going overseas on our own... He's a pro at all outdoor stuff.. He works in this adventure company that runs school camps, diving lessons, and whatnots... anything to do with adventure! The most 'zai' guy ever. Ever ever. We all adore him.

Haha... this is one of the not-so-glam pictures of him....His mushroom hair.. But he is really great... very PR as well. Aiya, but sadly, he's always busy at the time when we are free...

Anyway, back to my dinner, yea, so we had great fun at the cafe. Its a cool place to hangout, chitchat and play hilarious games. :) Furthermore there was no service charge for their very good hospitability! No GST as well! So worth it.. $12.90 for a main course meal with drinks and 2 hours of gaming.

After the time was up for playing the games, we headed down to the prata stall to eat prata, murtabak and drink teh ping, teh-alia(ginger tea). We always like to hang out at coffeshops, indian coffeeshops to be specific. Wah, sounds very uncle leh.. haha. But I like it. Everytime after climbing at climb adventure we will head down the indian coffeeshop for a bite. But I realised not many people I know will hang out at coffeeshops with friends especially. But coffeeshops has its own unique nostaligic feeling, and you can be yourself and feel free there. Can "kiao car" (prop your legs) and eat your favourite prata, and drink teh cheep cheep and nice nice. Quite different from coffeeplace like starbucks or TCC... feels very "high classed" and every cup of drink you buy your heartaches. Especially after climbing, you are sweaty and dusty from chalk, coffeeshops are the best place to be in. Ahhh... So cheap somemore.

Miss the good old days, where I went on trekking trips to malaysia and we tucked in at local coffeeshops and tried their local food.

Sigh.. I missed my trekking days!!!

Lingerings of sweet memories....

Yesterday was the departure of our Korean friends who have been with us for the past 6 months in church.
Its amazing, how close-knitted friendships were formed between us and them despite the language and cultural barrier. Ahh.. to think back from the first few times we met them till now.. I'm amazed at their openess and friendliness towards us... even though some of them didn't fully comprehend the sermons, ( we talk too fast) they gladly stayed on for service week after week and tried their best to understand the gospel. The times when we had our outings.. haha.... the picnic, lunch, dinner outings... had lotsa fun... :)
I understand how the rest felt, those who had been so much closer to them, seeing them almost all the time, if it was me I would be very sad too.
BUT, BUT... well.. we did have a wonderful time with them. :) The memories that stayed on will always be sweet.
So we sent them off at the airport yesterday, (a repeat of what many have recounted) I guess the feeling that the are leaving for good have not really got into me yet, but yesterday was the day I really cherished their presence. I realised what a friendly bunch of people they really are, and I thought that it was yesterday that I saw the best side of them. I didn't realise Jae Woon was such a funny character in his "blur" way. And Boram was really so gentle and warm. And Hyuk, well, didn't talk much to him but sort of cherished his funny presence as well. We lingered on for a long while before they entered the gates. Sigh, the departure was such an unwilling business.
Oh well, but such is life, never really permanent, and yes as I mentioned, it is best that memories linger and are cherished than anything else... years down, we can always look back at these fun group of people and at least you know, what good times you had with them... Thank God for encouraging us with these people.
God bless them!