Okay... a powerful spiritual session on my saturday service inspired me to write this down. Not many people knew exactly why I converted huh? My account is like no other....
All along I grew up to be a religious person... maybe because there were many things going on in my life that were out of control, many broken relationships with my loved ones... many times I went home dreading and fearing that crises will be triggered. Many insecurities in me... etc... So I read books on religion, attended talks, and followed my parents around for temple worship quite often....
But at the same time I was open to all faiths. I condemned the Christians for their zealousness (dunno why they so crazy) but I didn't condemn their God, cos God being God.. should be good. Someone from the Navigators in NUS approached me on matriculation day back in my first year in NUS. This white-haired man was extremely friendly and fatherly...
After much thought... in the following I will reveal the pages of my personal diary written 3 years ago to describe my encounter with this man... and subsequently what happened....
The Sweetest Thing That has Been Done for Me
I have been flabberghasted, dumbfounded, touched, happy, sad, confused for the past 2 days. Thinking about it... makes me not want to think about it, yet it harps on my mind... I don't know what to do..
Yesterday was Matric Fair. I, the kancheong freshman, reached NUS at 11.30am, even though my Matriculation starts at 2pm. I was walking around MPSH to find a side door to get in, when a man called out to me asking if I was looking for someone. "No" I replied, and went to search for the side exit. When the side exit wsa sealed, I U-turned back, and the man me if I was lost. So he told me that I couldn't enter the MPSH till I was matriculated. Then he asked me if I was a Christian. No was my answer. He proceeded to do a survey with me which I willingly did since he was nice and friendly. It appears that he was looking for a girl wearing a blue shirt to meet him at that corner I was at around 11.30am, which was also the same time I met him, (And I was wearing blue). After knowing that I had plenty of time (from 11.20 to 2pm), he invited me to his Navigators hangout corner to share the Gospel with me.
Okay, I wasn't too comfortable about the talk on God and man. Certain things he said, I felt were ridiculous. It makes no sense. So I just smiled and let him carry on, and I learnt about his perspective on Christianity. At the end of his talk, he thanked me for taking my time off to listen to him. He asked if I mind that he prayed for me. Prayers are good, they wouldn't hurt, so I readily agreed.
This is one prayer that I will remember for a very very long time.
Bernard( that man) closed his eyes and put his left palm up facing me.
He prayed something like:" Lord Heavenly Father (or something), I have never met Amy in my life before and I really don't know what to pray for her. Please tell me what to do."
Something like that. And he paused for half a minute, listenly intently to his heart.
Then he started to pray for me, and goodness, what he prayed swept me off my feet....
My deep down, innermost feelings, were just, summarized by a complete stranger.
He prayed that I can find my direction in life, my sense of well being and security. He prayed that I could be able to adjust and fit in with the crowds. He prayed for calmness in me, as I am irritated by presence of family members squabbling and not being able to forgive each other.
He prayed that I would find friends, true friends that I did not have to show or hide anything from them. He prayed that I would find my own voice, too many voices from others.
At the end he mentioned he could feel God's love for me was so strong, I think I could feel it too. I was tearing, I was touched. No one ever knew me as well as this before. I didn't even know my self this well. Touched was the word, touched by a complete stranger. .... I thanked Bernard for the prayer feeling speechless... and I was in a dazed moood for the whole day.. confused... utterly. ...... The power of Jesus to me was very real, but what about the logic that whoever who do not recognise Him but does good will go to hell? It makes no sense. I'm afraid of being too extreme in beliefs, especially when word has passed from 2000 years ago. ..... (blah blah)
But if Bernard can commute with the Lord, why doesn't He tell Bernard about all these wrong beliefs? Unless I'm wrong? It makes no sense, I'm confused
Arghh... Will I ever find an answer?
written on 27/07/04, 3pm
The story does not end here. It would be too simplistic to say I converted just from this. More to come... Anyways, as I was typing on the praying part, I was tearing, because God is so good and prayers on my low-self esteem and finding good friends have been answered. Hallelujah.
