I just read Mary's blog... this has been a topic which I usually don't bring up, I'm not a very sentimental person outwardly, I tend to act like everything's going smoothly and fine when it comes to relationships with people...
I know that my relationships with my good friends in secondary school turned out rather differently. I have been able to maintain some, while the rest are somehow becoming more and more distant....
I guess, on my part, I register assumptions too quickly in my mind without actually knowing whats going on. Frankly, I think I couldn't cope with the change that Mary underwent outwardly, her circle of friends were very different from mine in JC and also in NUS... But till yesterday, our class gathering, where I could sit down and really chat with her for sometime, I realised she was still very much the same inwardly... I felt gulity on my part that I had adverse reactions towards her...
I already knew that she felt rather hurt when Ming Ze told her what I said to him... I know that saying sorry now doesn't help very much in whatever happened and the rift between us over the years, but, dear Mary, I hope you would understand that as humans none of us are perfect and in all aspects of our lives we would definitely face disappointments either with ourselves or with other people. So don't blame yourself for not trying hard enough. Its not entirely within your control that such things happen sometimes.
But in saying sorry to you, I really want to stop pretending that I don't know whats going on, and I wish to face this problem and mend it. God recently opened my eyes to see myself as a whole, all good and bad. I am more aware and discovering everyday the flaws I have in myself, and I'm trying to change it. I have learnt my lesson on bad-mouthing people and it ended up hurting people that I care about. So, I'm terribly sorry. I don't really sound like I am in words, but I am.
I hope you would accept this apology and yea... I'm still trying to change for the better... there is so many things that I realised I need to change in me. I'm sincere about it...
