Hmm... how should I put this across in my blog today... Why Victoria? No no... Victoria is not someone I know, neither am I lesbian. Hahaha... Victoria stems from victory, victory is the word that will linger on in me for as long as I can.
Well.... I grew up in a home where it is 'normal', but yet not as normal. How do you define normal? A normal family, is like a family seen in the advertisements. The kids grow up happy and fine, the whole family is just happy to be together. Now everybody knows that is nearly impossible. We are able to define what is normal because we have seen "abnormal" families. Thats why the 'normal' standard has been set for everyone to try their damn most to keep it up. But you know its not very possible. Anyway....
I grew up in a normal family. I turned out to be fine, yes I know I'm weird, but in other cases I know there are many others out there who wished they had what I have. My family is still intact, parents get along fine, stable income, nice apartment, blah blah blah... Yet, in some ways it is abnormal. There are things that bothered me since childhood. Quarrels and misunderstandings are common. And from misunderstandings, things get complicated. Am I bothered by all these? Yes. In fact for a period of time, it affected me quite badly. I do not hate my family. It is precisely because I loved them, to see them get so troubled and angry all the time pains me. I feel helpless that I cannot do much to help them. Thats why I get into depression.
But that is in the past. Having been through sort of a mild depression earlier this year, I do not want to let history repeat itself. It sucks to be depressed. Really... Well, I'm sick and tired of feeling downtrodden and helpless all the time. After my depression I went into this spritual search in my life during the holidays. And I emerged refreshed, full of hope. I want to be in full control, and I will. I'm so not going to let this get me down. I am not the weak person that gives in under petty stuff. I'm going to fight it. Fight to control my emotions, fight to salvage matters. I've learnt not to bottle up my feelings. Get help if I need to. At certain points in life, I know I cannot walk through it alone. Because I'm not alone. If I can really emerge out of the worst situation calm and in control, I can say that I have grown, shed my old self away.
Victoria becomes me.
